Beginning Of A Freedom End Of An Empire
by Vortianized
Summary: Finished! Before OIDII, Lard Nar gets fired from his job, so he escapes Vort to form an army against the Irkens, aka The Resisty.Will he succeed, or stay back in time to live in a fantasy? PLEASE REVIEW! I'm getting desperate here!
1. The Emergency Meeting

Yes, I've edited this fan fiction, for my own eyeballs explode because of this hideous piece of n00b language I've written over 7 months ago (Wow, that was a long time ago!!). Translated into proper English, and hopefully not too many spelling mistakes. Some chapters have been split up, so you won't get a headache reading 20 pages of a space battle, or something random. Any ways, enjoy to new readers and old readers a like, I own nothing but the Vortian extras, Hermly and other psycho fan characters!! BEGIN INSANITY STORY NOW!!!!!  
  
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EXT.-PLANET VORT- Many years before Operation Impending Doom I  
  
INT.-VORTIAN MILITARY TECHNOLOGY COMPANY-LEVEL NINE-DORMITORY RM #4444  
  
Lying on his top bunk bed, Lard Nar reads a book entitled 'What Irkens Have Done For Us' with wide interest, taking notes on his palm pad. On the bed below him, a turquoise skinned Vortian listens to rock music loudly on his radio. As he dances around playing the air guitar and turning up the volume, literally shaking the entire room, Lard Nar growls; feeling a sense of immense strangling and yelling coming through his veins. The song ended and a equally irritating radio DJ guy comes up blabbing about stuff.  
  
"And that was 'I Bet You're Going To Kill Me Right Now!' by The Lovely Bugs! Now, a whole 78 hour straight Rockn' Poppin' Insanity Tunes Extravaganza !!WOOOOOOOT!!!  
  
He growls even more, like a fierce bulldog about to kill a kitten. Though the Vortian was never close as to being violent and dangerous as the very species he was studying at this hour.   
  
"Can't you play that hearing destruction device somewhere else already?! I'm researching important information on the Irkens, for what they're up to at this VERY second...FOR THE SAKE OF OUR FUTURE !!!" Lard Nar throws his own book, bobbing on the head of ever-so-careless roommate. He finally gets the guy's attention, but Lard Nar already knew what Shitley would sneer back at him. Shitley was just one of the hundreds of them workers who were getting tired of Lard Nar's rambling about saving the Vort.  
  
"Saving Vortian lives from slavery and tormenting conquest is at stake! Don't you even care with your wife and children will be enslaved and force to serve our own allies for many years to come??"   
  
Shitley turns off the radio and sighs, tired of having to explain to the idiot once again, "Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe your pathetic theories about Irkens taking over the universe, and using our machinery to attack unsuspecting planets! HA!! Like they would really do that? Especially after all they've done for us! Donate monies, rebuilt our civilization after the Asteroid Attack, gave us all jobs and even made our culture one of the most superior in the entire Universe! Why would they be so bossy, so evil, and so dominant as to ruin US first and then everybody else in the galaxy?? If you have one, I'll sure to report it to the Commander to post on the "Daily Nitwit"! HA!! HA!!HAHAHAH!!"!  
  
A bunch of Vortians from the hallway come into the room and started to follow suit, and laugh a lot longer and a lot more hysterical than necessary at Lard Nar. Lard Nar growls once again, frustrated, and hops off his bunk and walks away from the crowd. From everything. To think. As he does everyday of his unappreciated lifetime.   
  
Why do they always have to use that word to insult me? Thought the gray-skinned Vortian. I'm no nitwit, I'm as thick-brained* as every other Vortian was born to be!! Sure, I admit I've been a l over paranoid about Irkens ever since I was young, but I just can't ignore the fact that that is what Irkens are!  
  
And they're planning a top secret project that can possibly change the lives of trillions!! "TRILLIONS, I SAY!!!TRIILLLLLIONSSS!!!!"  
  
Several Vortian scientists walking about stare at him strangely and mumbled 'Nitwit' to one another. Lard Nar stands still and gives a sheepishly grin.  
  
"Heh, heh, just kidding! Heh, heh." This no longer works on anybody anymore, he thought to himself, and positions himself for the upcoming Vortian. Tall and blue, he comes out of the crowd. He stares at him with a 'I hate you crazy son of a nit wit' look.   
  
This was obviously the one guy Lard Nar both feared and hated the most. Commander #926, editor of the "Daily Nitwit".  
  
"Yeeeaaahh, sure.. Just don't be late for the emergency meeting on 12th floor!!! It's gonna start in 4 minutes, SO GET MOVING MAGGOT!!!" The commander boomed his voice just to see Lard Nar shrinking to the ground and cower with a shaky salute.  
  
"Uh...Yes sir! Right away, sir!" The crowd follows the commander down the fall forming a pack, and the lonesome worker runs up as fast as he can up the stairs, his only source of getting up floors these days. He does fine at first, but then trips on the 11th floor.  
  
"Oh, shit!"  
  
INT.-12TH FLOOR-RM4367 (Ten min. later)  
  
The room has a long table with a large group of Vortians sitting on their hover seats, talking amongst themselves as the commander at the front end of the table looks at the clock every 3 seconds with a twitching eye. Impatient workers complain to him and groan, anxious about the "Emergency" part of this business.  
  
"I'm not starting the meeting until everyone is here, and that includes Lard Nar! Even though we all hate him and he's completely useless to us....So blame him for all your misery!"  
  
The door in the room slides open and Lard Nar enters, breathing heavily.  
  
"Ah, good to finally see you Lard Nar...... YOU'RE OVER TEN MINUTES LATE!!!!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"  
  
"Sorry sir, I tripped and fell down the stairs and had to climb up again. Won't happen anymore...."  
  
"Whatever, just take a damn seat and shut the hell up." He lights up a thick cigar, spitting some of it out as he swears. " Now that we can officially start this emergency meeting, I would like to start by anno-  
  
The intercom on the wall buzzed and crackled for it's traditional speech. Everyone becomes silent as air. "Please excuse the interruption, Cooptklin has now officially left The Couch **, and the next lucky one to sit on The Couch for the hour is La-  
  
Lard Nar has a gleeful look on his face, and prayed for the intercom to say the name given to him by the second his was born, by the Pychix of his family blood. He waits, seconds go by, and.....  
  
"Lakropskiddle. Congratulations. Please report to the Lances Building immediately. Thank you." And it buzzed off. Every intercom on the planet buzzed off. Just like that.  
  
"Darn it!! Why are there so many Vortians with names close to mine! It's pisses me off so much!"  
  
"NOW I would like to start the meeting by announcing that Almi-"  
  
The others ignored 926 and looked down through a window. They watch Lakropskiddle as he danced like a ballerina in Disco Fever. Or something.   
  
INT.-OUTSIDE  
  
"WHEEEE!!!! Victory for me, WOOOOO!!!!! This is the greatest day of my life!!!!!"  
  
Back inside, he twitches even more, and to get everybody's attention, he booms his voice to the highest level, with a dose of threat on to the rough military tone.   
  
"ALMIGHTY TALLEST MIYUKI IS COMING OVER TO OUR STATION IN LESS THAN THREE HOURS, AND IS EXPECTING OUR LATEST PRODUCTS, INCLUDING THE MASSIVE! GOD DAMMNIT!!"  
  
Everyone turns around, pip-squeaked. They exchange glances. They're all doomed. Now the Vortians knew why it was an emergency.  
  
Even Lard Nar. 


	2. The Wheel of Importance and Nervousness?

After five very long minutes of screaming their hearts out, all the Vortian scientists, engineers, designers, testers and everyone else in the room shut themselves up and started to pay attention to the commander (for once)  
  
"Good, I knew that'll get your attention! Yes, she will be coming to expect all our little mini projects and devices, yadda, yadda, yadda.. ..But the main reason she's coming is because of the new Bludgeon Class Fleet Leader, a soon-to be Irken ship they really, really, REALLY need, or they'll blow off your heads!"  
  
The commander gives a little chuckle to himself, while the other have frightened looks on their faces and holding on to their dear heads.  
  
This is more like it, said 296 in his mind, and he leans back in his chair, legs idly up on the table. "And you all know by now the advantages of obeying the Almighty Irken Tallests and the use of their awards to us-"  
  
He keeps rambling on and on for over and hour, everyone forms out a bored, sleepy look on themselves as time goes by. Lard Nar fiddles around with his round green goggles, which truly meant a lot to him. But every Vortian knows that wearing goggles 24/7 made you look foolish.   
  
He didn't care, ever since the early days of working with the scientists and mixing chemicals, he'd always forget to take off his goggles for lunch break, wearing them and thought he was better off looking foolish with goggles then to look like everyone else having tiny beady eyes..  
  
He yawned silently, but just enough to tell you there was no point of this meeting after all. "This is utterly pointless. I wonder if--- "  
  
WOOOSH!!!! Slam!!"   
  
Lard Nar turned around to the window he was looking at earlier and saw a some red machinery from a distance on the side of the building. But it was hard to see, so he listened carefully to the screaming lady.  
  
"HEY! Be careful landing that ship! It's hard enough as it is to scream 12 floors down this ugly building just to give orders, you know!!!!!!"   
  
The only one in the room who heard that yell, and, by standing right next to the exit door, he had an advantage to leave quickly. But leaving while the Commander was talking?? And possibly taking one of his eagle eyes on him to make sure he does no nitwit-y things?  
  
"Well... I bet no one would notice I was missing..." Whispering to himself, looking at the window and back at the Commander repeatedly. " But they might hear the door slide open.... And they might need me to do some kind of special job........Nah! I better check it now and leave this bore shack!"  
  
Lard Nar slides off his seat, crawls under the table and slyly opens the door about 6 inches out. He fits thorugh and runs down the dark, gloomy hallway to get closer and closer to that cold, thick, female voice as she screamed out more and more.   
  
Finally, at the end of the hall, he gets to a door that's slightly open, and inside is another boring-looking meeting. But this time with IRKEN officers, advisors, and Almighty Tallest Miyuki herself, as she stands at the end of the long table with her shiny, shades of green hard suit of royalty. Lard Nar gasps, but covers his mouth to keep his breathing noises quiet.  
  
"Ahh---eeeem!" She had a bizarre high pitched voice going on for that second, and sits deeply into her comfy hover-chair. "Those foolish little Vortians think we'll be here later, but I wanted to come early just to SURPRISE them!" She cocks up a typical maniacal laugh Irken-style, officers then do the same.   
  
"Moronic! Just, plain, MORONIC! They don't even realize that this very project is THE GRAND MASSIVE! The ship with the armada! The technology! The weapons of mass destruction! The advanced computers and monitoring cameras! And not to mention all the life time supply of snacks all for ME!!" Miyuki licks her nonexistent lips with her snake tongue, making even Lard Nar be creep out a bit.   
  
One of the officers in a purple overcoat stands up, asking, "But what are we gonna do with this big thing? Show it off to our friends, my tallest? Huh? Huh?!? Huh???"  
  
The officer across from him stands to, saying in his hissy voice: "Yeah! And what are the thick-brains gonna get for building. Some kind of award, my tallest?  
  
"What if one of the Vortians finds out about before they Finnish it? Wouldn't ruin our plan?"  
  
"And don't forget that Irken who has cause so much chaos for the past several years? Zim, is it?"  
  
"Enough questions already!" Miyuki shouts at all her assistents, bobbing them in the heads. "Don't you already now our plan with the massive, you idiots?! We're having it and the armada invade all the planets on my Conquest List and conquer those planets as part of OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM! HA!HA!"  
  
The Top Secret Project, Lard Nar gasped in thought. This was a lot more interesting than the meeting down the hall, but he would definitely not let himself be exposed to him, despite the fun of spying further in the room.  
  
"Vortians and Zims won't and NEVER WILL worry me! Because I'm so tall and successful in life!" Miyuki mumbles to herself, "Memo: Execute them all for being so dumb and unworthy of living! Ha ha!' And as for the award, I'll give them....ummmm...."  
  
She looks for something in all of her pockets, and pulls out a really tiny bag. "Ah-ha!! A bag of jellybeans! They surely will think a tiny bag of jellybeans is a most excellent award for all the work they'll be doing for the next several years! Pathetic fools! Thick-brained Squishees! Idiotic little creatures of ugliness! Sacks of Lard!--"  
  
Lard Nar feels insulted by her last comment, though he is used to being made fun of for anything. "HEY! You fuckn' bi---" He pauses, realizes what he's doing and seals his mouth again.  
  
"They have no idea what they're getting themselves (and the whole entire Universe) into! And the best part of it is, by the time they found out, they'll be imprisoned for life and will have to obey ME, Almighty Tall--"  
  
"Don't you mean us? You know, the WHOLE Irken Empire?" An officer points out, knowing that you don't make yourself more clever in front of any Tallest. But Miyuki gets the point and makes the whole government happy.  
  
"Yes, well, they will have to obey me, Almighty Tallest Miyuki, and all the other Irkens....MUAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHA!!! Join me! MUHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
And all the other Irkens in the room laugh along with her, and the shocked, insulted and-yet amazed Lard Nar escaped Irken madness, running back to the hall, screaming and yelling out gibberish . He runs so fast that by the time he gets to the sliding door, he runs right through it without even noticing (ouch!).  
  
"It's all a trick! a horrible, cruel and terrifying trick!!!! The Bludgeon Fleet Leader is really a devastating conquest ship and Tallest Miyuki is in this building right now, talking about how they're gonna use it for their top secret plan :Operation Impending Doom!"  
  
By this time some of the scientists have expressed "What the hell?" looks, but continue to listen this pile of trash anyway.   
  
"If we fight back now, the Irkens won't stand a chance trying to rule the whole Universe! COME ON! While there's still time!!!"  
  
The fellow workers and Vortians in the room laugh hysterically, and a lot more louder than ever before at him, pointing fingers and shouting 'Crazy Vortian!' or, their favorite, 'You NITWIT!!' Treating him so horribly now that even a Vortian Engineer throws a pie right at Lard Nar's face.   
  
Lard Nar growls for frustration and humiliation, and despite that he hates anything thrown right on his face, he tried a piece of the pie. Sweet Meekrob blurberry with Radical strawberry slices from the rare Meekrobian 'Fruit For Thought' trees in the rainforests of Zi-An. His favorite.  
  
Of course 296 was laughing into tears as the pie was thrown, and his chuckles stopped the taunting. "Ha, ha ha! Ha....*sigh*. Well, now that we totally humiliated Lard Nar once again for the rest of his damned life, the unfortunate one will get to present Tallest Miyuki with this holographic model of the ship, "He shows the model to the crowd. It looks like a poor version of The Massive   
  
"the only model we have of it, we shall select the one....RIGHT NOW! YOU! SPIN THE WHEEL OF INFERNAL PAIN, TOTAL IMPORTANCE AND NERVOUSNESS!!"  
  
He points to a slate skinned Vortain female, who comes up to what looks like a wheel used for Bingo and spins it very fast. Already she is starting to sweat nervously, hoping it isn't her of any of her friends.  
  
Lard Nar questions the Commander's use of descirption for the wheel. "Total Importance!?!? Who the hell will come up with such a pathetic name for just a simple Bingo wheel?"  
  
"If the chosen one drops the model, insults Tallest Miyuki, gets a lot of crappy comments about the ship's design or does anything Lard Nar would do, then that will be a very horrible disappointment, wouldn't it?  
  
"But you wouldn't even have to worry about disappointing ME!You'll never have to had little worries like that again, because if you DO screw things up for us, THEN YOU'LL HAVE A PERMANENT BAN FOR WORKING IN MILITARY TECHNOLOGY EVER AGAIN!!!  
  
"I guarantee there won't be much other job options for Vortians, SO DON'T MESS UP THIS DAY FOR ANY OF US, MAGGOT!! But you will get a huge promotion if the expectation succeeds. STOP WHEEL TURNING NOW!!"  
  
Jilwiskey, the girl, stops immediately and a chilling feeling goes through all the spines of everyone in the room. She opens the wheel and grabs a crumpled piece of paper away from the other paper crumbles and opens the paper up slowly, to crowd the room with utter suspense fear, but not much surprise in her eyes.  
  
"Lard Nar."  
  
"Oh.....shit!"   
  
A Vortain scientist stands up against this preposterous picking of the bingo wheel. But only because he was jealous that Lard nar might get the prize.  
  
"Him?!? Why him? He doesn't deserve ANOTHER promotion in his life! Why does he get the honors?"  
  
"Who says he'll ACTUALLY succeed? He's just BOUND to get fired. I bet 1000 monies on that to everyone here!" Whispered back a Vortian Tester.  
  
"Yeah! That little Nitwit never does anything right! Oh, this is gonna make my day!" Squeals a female in exitement.   
  
Lard Nar doesn't seem to know what's going on. The crowd turns around to face him, smiling with an evil grin.  
  
Lard Nar instantly thinks in himself, "Dear Diary of my mind, I learned something new today. Life.....it sucks. For me and me only. FUCK!!" 


	3. Destruction of Vortica', by Zim!

~VORT RESEARCH, STATION 9~  
  
Lard Nar walks slowly up the hallway. Gloomy and angry at life itself, he holds the model of The Massive ship to-be. Tallest is just several yards away from him, pretending to be lil' Miss nice and loyal leader to the Head Vortain Scientist, who's leading the tour.  
  
"Why, after all I've learned about the Irkens planning to conquer the Universe cruelly , try to have my fellow work mates fight back against her and being the ultimate target for teasing in this VERY BUILDING, had to be chosen to show the ship my people have designed for the Irkens to use to destroy our home?  
  
"Ah well, life can never be what I wanted it to be now. I'll just smile for her and pretend to be oblivious to all my spyings and extensive research on conquest! " Lard Nar shows his teeth with a wide grin for smile, something that is rarely see on him. "There, that'll do."  
  
He steps right behind the tall Irken, waiting patiently for The Moment as the scientist speaks.  
  
"Tallest Miyuki, welcome to Vort Research Station 9. You honor us with your visit!"  
  
"Tell me what my finest minds are dreaming up for the EMPIRE.", she clasps her claw together in her style of evil.  
  
"Well, there's our infinite energy producing thing-y. And Lard Nar here has begun work on preliminary designs for your new BLUDGEON CLASS fleet leader"  
  
Not knowing how the Head Scientist notice him stepping right next to the energy generator, or found out he would be here in such short time, he salutes Miyuki and "proudly" presents the holographic model of the Massive ship to-be.  
  
But then at that moment one of the very few Irkens working at Vort butts in to the scene. "DOOKIE!! That thing will never fly!"  
  
Lard Nar had seen this short guy many times before, but didn't know he was the most trouble some Irken.  
  
"OPERATOR, who is this little creature?"  
  
"Eh...Zim,my Tallest. A transfer from Irk. He destroys everything he touches, so they figured he'd excel at military research." From the shame in the scientist face, the gray Vortian knew chaos would be a-coming soon.   
  
"Enough praise. LOOK! I made an infinite energy ABSORBING thing-y !" Zim shouted in pride, "HE'S CHUBBY!!"  
  
The scientist is now more terrified than embarrassed. "No! Keep it away from the energy producing thing-y!"  
  
The chubby creature eats the infinite energy producing thing-y and grows out of control. As it gets bigger, it gets more hungry. They all start to get scared, but only Lard Nar was smart enough to move back a couple of feet.  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!DON'T EAT ME!NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
It eats Miyuki. It rampages the building. It eats everything in sight outside in the capital city of Vortica.   
  
It makes Lard Nar scream, running through the hallways and accidentally dropping the model, breaking it. But he didn't care. The only thing he wanted now was to survive....and maybe have some cheese puffs for a change.   
  
~VORTICA, CAPITAL OF VORT~  
  
Everyone is screaming and running all over the place, trying to get away from the monster who just can't stop eating. It now has chewed up all Vortian ships visible, a couple of buildings, all transporting tubes and basically all the possible ways of escaping Vort and thousands of foolish citizens. No one even bothers to stop it. In fact, no even thought of bringing the Megadoomer or any Battlemechs out to use. Idiots.  
  
Lard Nar, as well as the others, runs .Away. From. Life. Universe. And Everything. He stops for a moment to stare at a flagpole. But not just any old flagpole. XXZ45673, the tallest flagpole in the universe(basically about 3 times taller than the Blob's current height). It's obvious. It's stupid. It's desperate.   
  
Vortians being extraordinary climbers because of their unique leg structure, he and several other Vortians climb up the pole as fast as they can until they can feel the tip on their palms. Everyone else on Vortica follow suit, and before you know it the flag pole now looks like a huge Vortian-filled lump piled up on top of a tall, skinny, stick.   
  
A violet-skinned lady cheers, "We did it! The blob can't get us now!"  
  
Her friend, grabbing her arm asks, "But how long do we have to wait till someone kills the monster or at least sends it to another planet?"  
  
"....Like I said, the blob can't get us now!"  
  
The blob stares up at the pole and closely keeps an eye on any falling fools. 3 fall from the top. Then 6, 13, 25, 55, 12, 1, 4, 62,etc.,etc.,etc. It keeps going on like this for an hour. The new record for most falling fools at one time was 96.The Blob so far has missed not a single falling fool.   
  
Lard Nar climbs through thousands of Vortian bodies to see the outside view of the monster. "How long will that pole will be able to hold us? According to my memory, it can only hold up to 14,000 pounds. Hopefully no one from the sky will suddenly fall on top of the pile....."  
  
Someone from the sky suddenly falls on top of the pile.  
  
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The flagpole bends very fast down to right so close to the ground that Lard Nar Can touch it with a little arm stretch. But it swings backward to the left, the backward, forward, northeast, southwest, northwest, southeast, west, south, north, etc., etc. All the Vortians still hanging on scream and yell for both fear, shock and fun! Now even more falling fools had gone into the rotating Blob's mouth, continuously chasing the flagpole like a dog chases its own tail. The grand ruler of Vort Lardlipsika slips, falls, and she yells at all of them.  
  
"CURRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSE YOUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
She gets eaten. Moment of silence.   
  
The pole is beginning to swing faster and more viciously than before, Lard Nar now wishes to die and closes his eyes so he wouldn't see it. Several others around him copy him, and even block their hearing so they won't hear the Blob's almighty roar for hunger and frustration and the big crash.  
  
"CRASH?!?!"  
  
The flag pole sways upward very hard and high up, causing the pole to be pulled out of the ground and up 10 feet up in the air, and drop with.......the crash.  
  
THUMP! BANG! CRAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!  
  
The flagpole landed flat on the ground, and most of the unfortunates who were on the side of the lump that hit the ground flat, seriously cracked their skulls and had their faces ripped and torn apart. The few lucky Vortians who felt perfectly fine and normal, like Lard Nar, jumped off the pole and ran for it. Luckily, the Irken army came just in time to zap the blob monster in another dimension, hopefully never to be seen again.  
  
DORMITORY RM#4444, TOP BUNK~  
  
Lard Nar lies on his top bunk where he had just been this morning, thinking sadly about the disaster. He had his portable TV on to the Intergalactic News Channel, watching a videotape of the blob terrorizing Vortica and watching the flagpole break for the first time. He turns it off with horror and disgust.  
  
"This day sucked........first I thought today is the most victorious day of my life, I knew the Irkens' big secret and I could find people to join me in the fight! Then all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of myself..........Next I was running for my life; praying I would survive and promised not to regret life ever again--"  
  
The intercom buzzed off again, though it had always done that once every hour. "Attention! Kepsklot, it's your turn to scream in joy and have the comfort of your life... Kepsklot?....Hello?...."  
  
Lard Nar continued with his complaints. "----Then I wanted to kill myself being on that stupid pole, and NOW I'm angry at the Universe and everything in it!! UGGHH!!! How could life get any worse now? Where is fate going to lead me now? To Dirt! Or some other hell planet, right Shitley? Shitley?   
  
"Oh yeah.....he's at the hospital....Along with 85% of the planet's population!!! AHHH!!! This is sick! It's hopeless now! It'll take years before Vort is back to normal and now almost everybody will be wearing artificial holographic faces for the rest of their lives!!! Where is hope now?!?! Will happiness and peace ever come back to me or anyone else here ever again?!  
  
"I HATE YOU, LIFE!!! Why don't you ever leave me alone?!? Tell me! Tell me! TELLL MEEE!!"  
  
Lard Nar sops shouting to himself, hearing foot steps outside his room. The dormitory door barges open to reveal Commander #296 behind it, holding a very badly broken holographic model, and a deep, deep, hatred look on his flaming eyes.  
  
"LARD NARRR!!!!YOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 


	4. Kicking The Can

"And you are now officially banned from having a career in military technology for the rest of your life! I definitely don't need to say why." He hurls the model in the trash.  
  
"Now we have to redesign it all over again, all because of YOU! Pack your bags and never come back here again! Nitwit."  
  
He closes the door and waits for Lard Nar in the hallway. In the room, Lard Nar jumps off the bunk bed, pulls out his small blue suitcase, and packs his very few valuables into it.  
  
"*sigh* Well, it's gotten a lot worse now, I don't have a job anymore and I'll probably have to live in a hobo's shack for the rest of my life, and I still hadn't committed suicide yet. Is something wrong with me? Is there still hope that good luck will surpass in me? Do I have to continue my research on Operation Impending Doom before I die?  
  
"I just.....have this feeling that there is still something, something out there for me to achieve. Something big, important, can change history, can change lives, something involving monkeys of some sort...."  
  
"Come on, Lard Nar! Let's move it already!" The Commander shouts outside his door. A crowd of Vortians with plastic faces and casts are behind him   
  
"Nothing to see people, NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!! Well, actually...I guess somebody could videotape this glorious moment when that little nitwit finally leaves us alone.....FOR ONCE!! WOOO!!!"  
  
Lard Nar walks down the hallway into an elevator. The crowd is in there with and keep following him from floor to floor, until he stands front of the door to exit the building, his job and his old, paranoid researching self, he'll.  
  
"Okay....here it comes....the moment of truth......" Whispers the anxious 296.  
  
The commander kicks Lard Nar out of the building with his heavy, lead and steel boot that could have you aching in pain for weeks.  
  
Everyone shouts and cheers. "And stay out! NITWIT!!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar lands in a garbage can that apparently, has it's metal blades out to liquefy and clean out all the garbage that's in it. It's not long before Lard Nar manages to crawl out of t with dark green blood bleeding all over his forehead.  
  
"UGGGH....Good thing I brought medication." He takes out from the suitcase a tube of 'skin healer cream' and poured the gray stuff all over his head, and instantly the cuts and the bleeding were invisible.   
  
"Where the hell am I going to live? On Poor Shackyton street? I guess so........*sigh*.  
  
"I knew my life was bad because of my beliefs, but I never knew I would be from a collage graduate scientist, tester, researcher and designer in military technology into living in a home made out of board of plastic and an old mattress the next day! If only I knew what my goal in life was...."  
  
A Vortian female walks by and throws an empty can right at Lard Nar's head. "OW!What was that for?!?!"  
  
"For believing we're all part of the Irkens' plan to destroy the Universe!! You are a cruel Vortian to say such a thing!! I hate you!!" And she walks away from him, not even looking back.  
  
"Well, go then ! You'll believe me one day!! You WILL!"  
  
Lard Nar rubs his forehead where the can hit him. He looked down at the can. It landed right on its bottom and standing still, not a single dent on it. An Irken symbol was on the side of the can. Lard Nar growls at the symbol, but then enlightens himself.....And laughs.  
  
"I know what to do! Now I know the true reason why I exist and why I didn't kill myself before!! I've got to come up with a plan and lead my own army that will defeat the superior Irken Empire and save the Universe from galactic conquest!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"Attention! Lard Na--"  
  
Lard Nar prays for it, he's really hopeful and jolly now....  
  
"-rrokky can sit on The Couch now. Thank You!" Buzz.  
  
"....And in addiction, I'm gonna lay myself on that damn couch! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!I swear by this very can, the Irken Empire will be crushed!!!!!"  
  
By the shouting of the word 'Crushed!', he raises one leg high up in the air, and stomps the can down with the leg only once, making the can as thin as paper.  
  
~ IN LARD NAR'S SHACK, 9 MONTHS LATER ~  
  
As he expected , he was living in a shack in Poor Shackyton street, researching on his computer and watching Irk through his spy cameras and was preparing himself more as each day went by. He didn't look any different other than his torn clothes, and was lucky enough to clean himself twice a week. He was watching a meeting, not letting one single eye blink from the screen inches away from his face. On it was Almighty Tallest Spork and several Irkens.  
  
"They have a new Tallest?!?! After over 270 days they finally found out who's the tallest? HA! As if that was new! So slow in choosing, they are!!"  
  
~ MEETING IN CONVENTIA,8 AM~  
  
"Okay, I'm now Tallest, what do I get to do? Sit in a comfy chair in our golden palace and taunt others who are shorter than me? Even by one millimeter?" He stares at one of his advisors eye to eye.  
  
"Yes, basically, but you have to understand that Miyuki was planning to have 75% of Irk's population. To go to Planet Devastus so they can be trained to become invaders and soldiers for our armada ;as part of her project: Operation Impending Doom."  
  
"Operation Impending Doom? Oh yeah! That thing no other species is to know about! I get-cha! Sooo.....what do I have to do?"  
  
"Your first act as Almighty Tallest is to open the Irken Invader Academy that we paid OVER 20,000 MONIES for."  
  
Another Advisor steps up to Spork. "And not to mention introduce yourself on TV! That will warm you up for even more glory, royalty, and FAME!"  
  
"But for the sake of the Control Brains, don't let this 'ZIM' guy get in the way. Finish Miyuki's project. Oh, that horrible unfortunate accident......"  
  
"Okay! Okay! Enough commands!" The eager new Tallest shouted. "Now do I have the right to boss you around?"  
  
"Until an Irken has grown taller than you or until you die, yes, my Tallest."  
  
"Excellent! Off to Devastus, then! And bring me a gallon of cheese dip for my chips!!"  
  
~LARD NAR'S SHACK~  
  
Lard Nar flies off his chair and runs off to pack his things, talking to himself at the same time. "Devastus?? Now?!!? The time for gathering my army!  
  
"But I'll need a ship, and willing members to join me and attack the invaders before Spork makes his speech! And it should take them....*looks at a clock*.....At least 5 hours?!? AHHH!!!!! I gotta get going! Pack my things..."  
  
He puts all his stuff (except the TVs) in his suitcase in less than 30 seconds. "The ship! Where am I going to find a ship when all the ones above ground have been eaten?......." He thinks about this for a moment. But it does not take long for a Vortian to light the bulb.  
  
".......That's it! That Engineer I worked with once....He told me he built 2 extra Vortian ships for himself in the Underground levels in case of emergencies....I must contact him!"  
  
Lard Nar types rapidly onto his laptop the engineer's distant communication code for his office and almost instantly, a pink skinned Vortian's face appears on the screen.  
  
"Hey! It's you? How's it going? Gone completely insane yet?"  
  
Growling again, "No, but ten years ago we were working together in engineering and you told me you have vessels parked in one of the underground levels?"  
  
"What?......Oh yeeeeeah! Those things! They're on level 7 in my garage, #24a, and the password is----"  
  
"So can I please use one of them? It's an emergency that you wouldn't understand....Yet."  
  
"Uh...Yeah! Sure! Go right ahead! I'm a generous guy, you know?"  
  
"Thanks, I better be going now..."  
  
"Wait! Before you go....well, I've been thinking about your theories for a couple of days and ...sorry about the pie. I knew it was your favorite, so that's why I threw that kind at you...."  
  
Lard Nar was already running towards the local outdoor elevator next to his old work building before he could hear his apology. But the engineer mumbled it anyway, since it was pitiful to one's soul if he apologizes to someone whom many people hate (well, at least that was what the popular Vortians would say often during lunch break).   
  
Lard Nar went into the elevator and it stop at the Main level of the underground part of the building, and try to find the stairs or another, more functioning elevator as fast as he could.  
  
"I hope no one recognizes me, god damn, isn't there any way to get down a level in this place?!?"  
  
He eventually finds a small dark stairway leading down the next level: 2. But the stairway end at that floor, walks up through the hallway to find an elevator that will hopefully take him straight to level 7. He walks passed a tall door wide open and overhears an interesting conversation: A Vortian Delivery Guy comes in to the room  
  
"Here's your order of robots and other creatures from Planet Ferramentum! They just think they can create their own world, do they? Heh! Heh,heh. Can you believe that?"   
  
A female engineer looks through the huge bag "ARGH! None of this metal trash is not good enough for our future inventions! I'm sorry, but this won't do! Bring me a better set of them soon or I'll FIRE YOU!"  
  
"Yes...ma'am...well get right onto it...." He quickly leaves the ticked-off worker.  
  
"And be quick! We need more metal parts to build the new plasma battle tanks!! HURRY!"  
  
Lard Nar pauses for a moment and thinks up of a plan. A simple one, but hopefully it'll work out the way he would wanted it to. He runs into the room and pushes the huge bag onto a nearby cart and pushes it out of the room in less than a minute.  
  
"You wouldn't mind if I go ahead and take this away, do you?" He asked in a most polite manner.  
  
But the female engineer didn't go for that. " Oh! Of course you can go steal our precious bag! You go ahead and do it right underneath our eyes and we'll let just you get away with-----After him!! NOW!!"   
  
Lard Nar pushes the cart very hard and jumps right onto to it, holding onto the handles The two Vortians chased after him. They go through a very long, around-a-circle-cat-and-mouse-game until Lard Nar finds an open elevator to stop right into. He and the cart go right into the strangely large elevator, and just when Lard Nar thought he'd gotten away from them, he turns around to see the both of them staring at him with glaring eyes. But the chase had been put on hold , since they're in an elevator, after all.   
  
"Level 3..4...5...6a.." Said the elevator computer voice.  
  
Lard Nar hid behind the cart, talking to himself so that his foes couldn't hear.  
  
"Yes! Next floor, and I'll be flying off to Devastus with my mechanical army before I even know it! Wait a minute.....Level six....A?!?"  
  
"Level 6a, 6b, 6c, 6d, 6e, 6f, 6g,6h, 6i,6j....."  
  
There were so many Level sixes that the elevator had to repeat the whole alphabet four times until it can actually stop to level 7 . They almost went insane having to wait that long!  
  
But none of the less Lard Nar can stand to be patient and made it through. "Finally! To escape this odd goons once and for all!"   
  
Lard Nar pushed the cart out of the elevator and it was cat and mouse chase all over again. Except this time, Lard Nar managed to get far ahead and away from the stupid Vortians chasing after just to get something they don't even want.  
  
"How stupid. Who writes this stuff anyway?"  
  
Shut up and let me continue! I was bored, okay?!? So then he finds #777's garage door, but right next to it was a set of weird symbols on them. It was guarded by a computer and some funky coded language.  
  
"Password, please."  
  
"Password? PASSWORD!? The garage has a password?!?! God, if only I hadn't interrupted him I would've known it in an instant!"   
  
This is why you listen at school, children. Otherwise you'll be missing out on something important, like The Meaning Of Life!!!!  
  
The Goons had caught Lard Nar cornered now, getting closer and closer to the Garage door. "Come on, Lukeifus! I've found him at a dead end!!!" Shouted the arrogant female.  
  
"I'm coming, Verozeroria! I'm just a little slow at running, is all...." There. Now you know their names, very random names, are they not?   
  
"Oh, what to do, what to do, what to do, what to do!" Said the nervous Lard Nar, he did not know what to do next, so he did what any mere infant would do.  
  
Punch every button on the key board.  
  
"That was stupid." Uttered Lard Nar, but what else was there for him to do? Time ticked and tocked, step by banging step the two Vortians were right behind his back.   
  
"Come on, come on, come onnnnn.......Do SOMETHING!!!!!"   
  
Ding, ding, ding! "Entered Password......correct. Access approved, have a nice day!"  
  
The garage door opened at the instant. and Lard Nar pushes himself and the cart right into the garage, the tall door slams shut right in front of Verozeroria and Lukeifis' faces.  
  
"Darn!! What kind of freak n' password is that?!" Screamed Verozeroia, and completely forgetting the whole thing itself, the goons returned back to their jobs and ate bagels. Their more important issue of the day was who got the last bit of cream cheese .  
  
Inside the garage, Lard Nar opens up the bag, and a pile of broken, trashy androids falls out of it . He tries to function each of the robots by pushing the button and screwing the gears on them And often kicking them hardly and screaming at them. After many minutes of doing this process, he gives up.  
  
"Great, just great. I ran for my life down hear with a pile of the most crummy, piece of garbage ever made! If only one of them could just tell me how to work them, but not one of them can't even move a muscle or give some sort of greeting!! And the worst part of it is that I only have 3 hours left before Spork----"  
  
FLICK!  
  
"Hey, who disconnected the natural light spreading devices? It's so dark that the only thing I could see is that bright thing right behind...." He turns around and sees something interesting. ".....me?"  
  
A cool, male voice speaks back at him. "Hey! Darkness is the new way to party these days! And I know how to get those dudes Partying like they mean it!! WOOO!!"  
  
Lard Nar wasn't impressed by his fun-going personality. "How do you work them? Would you please turn on the lights for me, and who are you, exactly?"  
  
"See my teeth glitter! Aren't they awesome!? I used a new teeth whitener and thought I should test it today!!"  
  
Lard Nar look all over for the voice, and the only hint of knowing where he is by following his mysterious shiny white smile.  
  
"But I thought you were going to have some kind of party, and would you please turn the lights back ON!" He searched for a light switch, but his hands didn't feel a single thing on the wall but, well wall.   
  
"My name is Lard Nar & I want to form an army to fight against Tallest Spork and the Irken invaders at Devastus, which is you're here in the first place, so you're officially my very first member."  
  
"That's cool man! What's a spork? I would love to help, But you'll have to find me first!! This will be fun!"  
  
He turns back on the lights. He giggles like some kind of ghost-child and Lard Nar gets pretty annoyed by this hide and seek game. He runs, turns and rotates all around the room until he was back at his starting point ten minutes later.  
  
"That's it! I've had enough!! I'm going to find you right now, and when I do, you have to tell me who you are, and there is nothing that you....."  
  
He turns around, and falls back, surprised to see a floating cone with a giggly face right in front of him. But the heavenly white smile was still there.  
  
"HI! My name's Shloonktapooxis, and I love cookies!!" 


	5. It Comes Back For Dessert: Devastus

Lard Nar fainted down on the pile of metal and rust, shocked enough to see this floating cone scream up to his face.  
  
"Hello? Hello?!?! HELLO?!? Did I knock your brains out, dude?"  
  
The intercom buzzes on. An hour had gone by. "All right, Windeline! You're NEXT!!!"  
  
Lard Nar got himself up from the metal pile and rubs his head, feeling his huge headache from all the dizziness. But he got into a "pissed off" mood.  
  
"No, you did not, and I would appreciate it right now if you help turn on these stinkn' androids before i'll knock your brains out!!!"   
  
Shloonkatpooxis had learned of the Vortian's angry temper immediately. "Okay! Okay! Jeez, you didn't had to be such a party pooper!" But he said the wrong thing, as he would do ever so often.  
  
"Will you shut up about the party ALREADY?!?"  
  
"We're having another party?!?" This cone had learned that this guy was angry, but not of what he can do with it. Parties were always a thing for him! "AWESOME! But we'll need chips and soda and games and..... music! Lots and lots and lots of music to dance to ! WOOO!"  
  
Lard Nar slaps himself for saying that "P" word. He promises himself to never say it again . He grabs onto Shloonktapooxis before he can fly away and stares him right at the face. He's really desperate now. His temper had taken over the Vortian  
  
"LISTEN! Get these robots to work and fight the Irkens with me, or I'll take away that bag of popcorn that's popping inside your portable microwave."  
  
"Pop pop! Popppity pop pop pop pop poppy pop pop pop......."  
  
".......Deal."  
  
Lard Nar checks the controls inside one of the Vortian ships while Shloonktapooxis turns on all the robots on with just one push of a button with his tip. Some were rectangular, others were triangular and had eight legs to walk on, and the rest were just plain triangular. There was a total of eleven robots and all were ordered to play limbo because Shloonkatpooxis still thought they were having a party. Of course Lard Nar hears the tango music and runs out to see what's going on.  
  
"What in zarks are you doing?!? We're leaving for Devastus right now!!! "  
  
"What? Now? Awww, man! And I was just beating the champ! C'mon, guys."  
  
The music stops and the sulking and mourning of the androids started, and Shloonktapooxis slowly flies onto the ship. At least 3 androids were at a table of controls, with Lard Nar sitting at the Captain's Chair.  
  
"All right, soldiers! Start the ship!"  
  
Outside of the ship, a circular door opens, revealing a tunnel for take-off, but when they tried to start the ship, the ship didn't even move an inch.  
  
"What the heck? How come the ships isn't moving?!?"  
  
Shloonktapooxis looks through the ship's computer, and for once he says something important. Well, to Lard Nar, any ways. "We need more people to start the ship, Lard Nar! Controlling a Vortian ship takes teamwork!"  
  
"Well, it's no wonder most of my people were eremophobic. Everyone, split up your bodies to control different parts of the ship!"  
  
They do as he says, with arms, fingers, feet legs and even heads all over the place, but some controls are still left abandoned. Quite bizarre but to the Vortian it'll do just fine for now.  
  
The cone though takes advantage of the fact that there wasn't enough limbs to control all the buttons and levers. "Time to play twister, WOOO!!"  
  
He rolls all over the remaining buttons and switches (how else can a cone play twister?) and all the members of the small group manage to start the ship to move up through the long tunnel, fly it through space, leaving a trail of bubbles.  
  
Lard Nar peered through a nearby window, seeing his home planet getting smaller and smaller by the minute. He shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that worked. Twister is an useful game for desperate times of trying to save the entire Universe, or at least stop one leader from leading, any way."  
  
~30 MINUTES LATER, PLANET DEVASTUS PRIVATE PARKING LOT ~  
  
Shloonktapooxis was just lying there on the control panel, all alone in the ship when just ten minutes ago everybody connected their parts and went out of the ship.  
  
"Hey! Are we there yet! I'm getting tired from all this dog-rolling, man!"  
  
Lard Nar drags him as hard as he can off the ship  
  
"We've been here for over ten minutes waiting for you!! Do you have some kind of attraction with the controls?!?"?  
  
"My favorite cookies are hidden under the green keyboard...My cookies!!! NOO!!!I need my daily 20g sugary goodness!!!"  
  
Lard Nar gathers the group together behind the ship for a meeting.  
  
"Okay, here's the plan, and we only have an hour and a half to do this, since the Irken ships, I've heard, got sucked in to an illegal and unknown wormhole and it won't be long before they come here. Shloonktapooxis and I will check out the library down there to get as much juicy information as we can, and to find a copy of---"  
  
"Boy! I'm thirsty! I want my blurberry kiwi juice!"  
  
Lard Nar just shrugs and continues on, "-- The Irken Conquest List, or TICL, an electronic list of all the planets in the universe planned to be become Irken property, and it automatically crosses off conquered planets off the list! And once we get back to this ship, we'll get out the weapons and ATTACK the invaders and Tallest Spork before they can fight back!  
  
"Keep an eye on the ship while we're gone. Come on, Shloonktapooxis, give me a ride up to the library!"  
  
"Aww man, I hate lifting things up! How much do you weigh?"  
  
"Uh.. I don't know...50 pounds.?"  
  
"Okee-doke! Anything heavier than a candy bar I can carry!"  
  
"But why did you say---AHHHHH! Hey, watch it!!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis pushed Lard Nar up and flew over to a short, pink and gray building. Lard Nar hangs on to Shlooktapoooxis' pink thing for dear life. But he wasn't scared. He was happy as he can be.  
  
"You know," the Vortian thought, "he may be on the wild side for a bit, and he doesn't care in the cons of galactic conquest, but I can officially call him...a friend. My first... friend...."  
  
Shloonktapooxis stopped in front of one of the windows of the top floor. He opened the window with his tip and flies right inside. No one is there, just a bunch of discs and book shelves and a computer Librarian bored to death.   
  
Lard Nar jumps off of Shloonktapooxis. "Good landing! The room I was looking for, the Top Secret Meanings and Forbidden to Public Eyes Information Center. Now we need to find TICL, so look over to that disc shelf while I search the book shelf."  
  
"When are we gonna get to the fun part? I'm bored already! And thirsty! And hungry! Do you have cheese puffs on you?"  
  
"Just keep searching and I'll give you some."Surprisingly, he did brought cheese puffs with him. But as they kept opening up disc cases and pages of words and pictures, none of them found nothing equivalent of a list.   
  
Lard Nar was climbing up and around the shelves, literally throwing the ancient texts onto the floor with big 'Thumps!' and dug up through all the paper files lying on the meeting table. He even found a suitcase on one of the chairs and opened it up, but found nothing but even more cheese puffs and gave them to Shloonktapooxis.   
  
He wasn't really doing much; just flying past the disc shelf repeatedly and quickly looking at the titles while chewing happily on his snacks. Neither of them noticed the computer Librarian, who was moving the security cameras to follow and record Lard Nar's every move and sulking every 5 seconds. There was no actual monitor of keyboard in the room, so they didn't even know there was a machine watching the room.  
  
"Whoa, easy now, easy now, don't slip, don't fa-AHH!" He pulled the bookshelf so hard that it leaned forward and fell right onto the ground, trapping Lard Nar and the books all over the place "Ouch. Shloonktapooxis! Get me out of here! I think someone heard the crash!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis goes and lifts up the shelf with his trustworthy tip. "Wow! You're pretty strong for a party pooper!"  
  
Lard Nar gets up and pushes the shelf back on to the wall. "Don't call me that! And help me clean up this mess before they come in here!"  
  
"What, who's going to come in here before---"  
  
"Before I can help you?"  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!", the cone and the Vortian screamed simultaneously. "Wait, a computer ?" said Lard Nar after regaining some sense into him, "No wonder I felt something following me...."  
  
"Those were my security cameras. Did they bother you? I'm sorry, it's just that I' m so damn BORED today! Working in a library sucks, is all I have to say about it. Here, I'll clean that up for you, my dear..."  
  
A suction tube vacuums all the books out of sight and the tube spits out all the books in the shelf, not one out of place. The computer downloads an applause for himself.  
  
"What are you two doing here, anyway? Searching for TICL? I'm not going to report anything to those stupid Irkens, I'm just verrrrrry curious!"  
  
Lard Nar feels a skinny robot finger tingling up his spine, shuddering in both a disturbing and confused way. "Well...umm... Yes! That's exactly what we need! Can you find it for us? And be quick, we're in a hurry."  
  
"Yeah! I need to empty out myself real bad!" Says Shloonktapooxis, feeling kind of sickly inside.  
  
The computer glees in excitement. "Certainly! It'll be an honor for me to help out.....um, your name?"  
  
"Oh, I'm Lard Nar, and this is my partner, Shloonktapooxis!"  
  
"Yeah! With an 'is' at the end, not 'eez', buddy!"  
  
It scans the location for TICL as it starts a conversation with the partners, "Ah, yes! Lard Nar! Such a lovely name for an ingenious Vortian like you!"  
  
"Well, actually, I'm often called a nitwit back at home."  
  
"A nitwit?!?! Don't be a slaughtering eating rat! You look like the kind of guy who would be an very intelligent and an inventive leader! You know, being a computer who just sits around watching meetings go by and organizing files is nothing but dull and the ultimate bore of my life! I want excitement! I want adventure! I want FUN!..."  
  
A mechanical arm pops out of the room, holding TICL and gives it to Lard Nar.  
  
"Well, thank you very much!"  
  
The machine doesn't hear Lard Nar's thanks and continues rambling insanely. "I want to do more stuff! Be threatened for the first time!!!! Join the ultimate party!!!"  
  
"YAY! Ultimate Party, WOOOT!!!!"  
  
"I want to never have the ability to relax or rest ever again! Battle in space! Discover new things!! Travel into other dimensions!!!! Destroy planets! EAT FOOD!!!"  
  
Lard Nar interrupts the machine gone mad, "But you would be better off here organizing the books and discs? I mean, you won't be used to all that exciting stuff and the people who come here will need you to help them find their wanted information! And do you really want to leave ones who come to research and study?"   
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT!!!!" But even the Voritan couldn't stop it now. "The only things I want to do now, which would truly make me happy for the rest of my functioning days, is to depart myself from their idiotic controls and leave this ugly building!! I WANT OUT!!!!! I WANT......... YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar had a scared look on his face. The computer was dead serious about this. He knew went to leave, which was now. Before the computer could make his move. He walked slowly back toward the window, looking all around the room for the computer's arms. Shloonktapoxis didn't really pay attention to all this, but he had a skeptical look on him and followed Lard Nar to the window.  
  
"You know, ever since you came into the room with your little buddy there," The computer continued, know sounding like a crazy drunk, "I thought of interesting things. Thoughts I, or no one would know, a computer can think about. They were happy things and crazy things, and I want these things to come true so I had my eyes watching you while you were searching for your list thing-y.   
  
"You're a lot less ugly and less Vortian like close-up, ya know? Those goggles you're wearing right now must of enlightened your face up a bit. I like them...I LOVE them...... And I bet your gray skin, being all shiny and pretty like that, must've been ultra-smooth! Like you mixed elbow grease and skin cream or something, and splashed it all over yourself after you take your shower! I would love to see you take a shower sometime....It should be INTERESTING......"  
  
"This guy is definitely on top of my 'Most Creepiest' list," Lard Nar said to himself, still moving backward. "Hopefully Shlooktapooxis and I can escape in time to get the group ready to fight....I never even knew that computers can have this sort of emotional feeling...especially for me!"  
  
"...And I came up with the most outrageous plan! It's simple: make yourself unconscious on the ground, I'll cut open your head down to your brain, and I'll program myself onto 65% of your wonderful brain!!! We get to be together forever and even make your body immortal! Wouldn't that be great? Together forever? Our hearts always in the same place? And there's no way you would want to kill yourself anymore!!!!"  
  
"How did you know that?" Lard Nar asked, but didn't really want to know the anwer and climbed out of the window with TICL in his arms. "Let's get out of here, he's really creeping me out now!!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis mimics the emotional thing, "Certainly! It's an honor for me to for me to help you out, my dear!"  
  
"Shut up, Shloonktapooxis."  
  
Computer stops his babbling to notice his "true love" escaping him. "NOOOO!!!Where are you going? You get back here right at this instant! It'll only take a minute to take me with you!! Please!! I'M BEGGING YOUUUUU!!! You'll regret this one day, LARD NAR!!!!!!!   
  
As Lard Nar climbs up on top of Shloonktapooxis, a mechanical arm pops through the window and grabs onto his leg. "AHH! IT GOT ME!!"  
  
"He's mine to keep! The body, the heart, the brain, EVERYTHING!!!" If this creep had a face, it would be smiling a hideous toothy grin that'll make dentists faint.  
  
Shloonktapooxis pulls Lard Nar out of the window, but the Computer still has the Vortian's leg. "No one goes out to steal one of my buddies! And besides, He's got my snacks!!!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis pulls Lard Nar viciously away from the arm fly off very fast, very far, from that horrid place.  
  
"Thanks, even though that pull really killed my head there. Ouch...."  
  
"Welcome!" The cone smiled, and was happy to get his cheese puffs back into his mouth.  
  
He flew right outside the academy, just minutes later. where Spork is making his speech. The two watch him through a tiny window.  
  
~ INVADER ACADEMY---AUDITORIUM ~  
  
"And as your new Tallest, I am proud to say that you INVADERS in training are the Future of the EMPIRE! I'm still taller than you , though. SALUTE ME!"  
  
All the Irkens in the crowd salute him. EVEN ZIM! Yes...Zim is back.... "For more chaos probably," Lard Nar predicted.   
  
~A couple of minutes later...~  
  
"Zim, you've done nothing but rain terror down onto the Empire since you were born...and now they're training you to become an invader?! Why??? !I mean... that's just sick!!" Says one of the Invaders, also happening to be the lovable Irken Purple!  
  
"Hah.. flattery aside," Says the shorter Irken, only caring for his own pride, "when I'm Tallest, I will make the Empire rue ever having made me wait so long to rule them!"  
  
Red, another lovable Irken, comes up in to the crowd showing off his ideas, "Yeah, well, when I'm Tallest, I'd probably put you on trial to defend your life." He nodded, along with his buddy, who was laughing at the image of it. "Yep, that's probably what I'd do. Mmmmmm hmmmmm!!"  
  
Zim reveals in his hand a disc object.  
  
~ MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE ACADEMY...~  
  
":See! He's the one who cause the destruction of Vortica and got ME fired!" Lard says, pointing at Zim through the glass surface. "I hope that disc thing he's got there won't cause any trouble...."  
  
~ INSIDE.... ~  
  
"Hey, what's that thing, Zim?" asks Purple.  
  
"Oh...THIS? It used to belong to my absorbing thing-y back before it grew monstrous and nearly wiped out outer space. Remember that?" He chuckles at the good old times back then.  
  
"That little guy used to love this thing. I'm surprised he hasn't come back for it after all these..."  
  
Outside the building, Shloonktapooxis and Lard Nar hear a very loud rumbling and a huge shadow casts over them. They turn around and look up with sudden fear for their lives. They run inside the auditorium, running (and flying) through the crowd. They simultaneously scream out warnings and stuff.  
  
"AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK----"  
  
The ceiling blows in and flops the unspeakable, now enormous Cthulu like horror and roars insanely, terrifying everyone in sight. In an instant, it grabs onto Spork and has a second helping of Irken Almighty Tallest. Everyone, including Zim, Red and Purple scream in horror and run out of the auditorium like the wind.   
  
Lard Nar hops onto his cone buddy and shouts. "Get to the ship, QUICK!! It looks like the monster comes back for dessert and has already murdered Spork and half of the Irken trainees!!!!"  
  
"Boy, I was lucky this monster didn't came over to my planet! This thing is more hungry and terrifying than on TV!!"  
  
By now the Blob had a course of 41/4 buildings, 263 Irkens, 56 ships and a whole lot of land (I guess he's on some kind of diet). By the time the two escapees land over to the parking lot where the ship was parked, it was gone. The only thing left were a couple of big scraps of metal and the ship's engine.  
  
"Damn it!! Lard Nar curse once again. "He ate our ship!!! And our crew!! We'll have to go find a ship to steal for now!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis flies up in the air (with Lard Nar hanging on to his pink antennae), as high as the monster's full height, and zips and zooms all around Devastus. Not a single abandoned ship in sight. They fly down to an alley that most Irkens on the planet seemed to be running in, and try to blend in the green and red crowd as much as possible.   
  
The Irkens meanwhile run down to an underground biosphere, except it's so low that everyone had to be pile up to fit them all in, with Lard Nar and Shlooktapooxis on top, squished flat between Irkens and the rounded clear surface of the biosphere.  
  
Lard Nar whispers to Shloonktapooxis, to reveal his Plan B silently, " Listen to me, this is important: DON'T SAY ANYTHING! No word! No peep! Not even a single giggle! If they hear your slang-term, "cool" tone of voice and my accent, then we'll be thrown out for sure and...well...the rest will be utter chaos."  
  
"Okee doke! I won't say a word in here! YEP! Just like you said, not a sound from my slang-term, "cool" tone of voice, MAN!!!"  
  
"Shhhhh!"  
  
Another know-but-not-lovable Irken name Flobee shouts, "Hey! Who said that?"  
  
"It's an unwanted intruder, obviously! Kick him out before the monster gets full!!" An Irken name El says/  
  
"YEAH!! KICK THE CONE!! KICK THE CONE!!" All the Irkens inside shouted, and pulled Shloonktapooxis, sinking him further and further down the crowd. Lard Nar tried to pull him back up, but the Irkens are a lot stronger than him. As soon as Shloonktapooxis got to the door, he was thrown by Sneakyonfoota out into the far sky.  
  
"NO!!!" Lard Nar declared in despair. "Today, I've made a friend, formed a group, stole a ship, and formatted an ingenious plan, but I also lost them all too! Probably never to be seen again! And what do i get for living in a nightmare? An Irken list that'll probably be completely useless to me, and...."  
  
~LATER, IN THE TOP SECRET MEETINGS & FORBIDDEN TO PUBLIC EYES INFO CENTER ~  
  
"....YOU!"  
  
Computer operates itself with an energetic start, lights beep on and off and his robot arms shake with glee. "Oh, goody! you've come back for me! Staying for the rest of your life, then?"  
  
"No, computer, only for the night." He grudged, cursed himself for going back here in the first place.  
  
He indeed did stay in that very room, with the door locked, for the rest of the night.  
  
Plus 5 months. 


	6. So Life Long Dreams Come True After All?

Five months. Five long, stinking months of having to be stuck in that room with a machine mind whose feelings were....well, TOO emotional. Lard Nar eventually got used to this, though, and he was fortunate not having to share his valuable brain with the computer, who he had found out was named Hermly. He had been listening to transmissions from Irken-controlled planets and try to get as much juicy information as possible. He didn't find anything worth remembering, until one night......  
  
"And then we can go shopping together sometime! You may look handsome and all but THAT outfit is just too darn normal! You need to wear something with pink, purple and yellow!! Ya know, styles with PASAZZ.....!!"  
  
"Shut it already! I'm programming my spy cameras to collect a dialogue of this important meeting all the Irkens are involved in!" He ignores Hermly and starts talking to himself. "It's something about a 'Great Assigning'...but what are they assigning?"  
  
Lard Nar has on a head set and his laptop in front of him, connected onto a mini satellite dish. He turns up the volume to clearly listen to the meeting.  
  
"Invader Slacks!" Says voices from Lard Nar's laptop. "You have been assigned to Boodie Nen, Planet of the Large Nostril People!"  
  
"Great, I get the moronic planet! I'll look like a fool! A FOOL, I'LL TELL YA!!!"  
  
"Next, Invader Skoodge!"   
  
"Oh no, that's just sad."  
  
"Could you get any SHORTER?"  
  
The computer starts to fizz around a bit and making strange noises. The whole computer freezes. "Oh shit!" Lard Nar punches his laptop, in another one of his fits.  
  
"Someone's blocking my the transmission! And just when it starts to get interesting!" He punches it again, almost breaking the thin piece of machinery. He shakes the laptop a bit and it unfreezes. Then a screen pops up, 'Another satellite blocking Vortian Satellite from unknown planet. Hacker: Young and stupid.'. But the screen goes away before Lard Nar can read the last part, and the transmission continues.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!"  
  
"The Universe, will be ours, for the taking!" Irken cheers scream in the background, it sounds like thousands attended the Great Assigning, or possibly millions.  
  
"It's only a matter of time before all the races of the Universe serve, The Irken Empire!!!" More cheering is heard, a couple of mumbles, and the meeting ends from there. It just stipos, the laptop screen buzzes and Lard Nar closes it all together.   
  
"They're coming....."  
  
The locked door crashes down to the floor, and Lard Nar runs for it, carrying his blue little suitcase and Hermly, now inside a Computer Storage Robot (a video camera-thing w/spider legs) following him.  
  
"Wait!! Couldn't we just discuss this with a cup of tea first? Be reasonable, my master! You don't have to rush this whole thing through!!"  
  
"We have to prepare for battle soon! If I create an army now, they won't stand a chance! And besides, who knows what is on that conquest list..."  
  
He takes it out while running down the hall and through the stairs and scrolls the list down until a name catches his eye. He stops running, with Hermly running close behind him, and stares at the name with a shock of horror.  
  
"VVVVV----VVV-VORT! Planet Vort!" He gasps a big, long gasp. "I may hate almost every Vortian around me, but I must save my own people, for their own sake!!"   
  
He was about to run again but he got caught by Hermly's spider legs and it pulled toward the small device. "Let me come let me come let me come let me come PLEASE??? I can't leave you!! I'll never let you off by my side ever again, my dear!!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar had the creepy feeling again for a moment but eventually figured out that is was too late to escape from the computer mind now. He shrugged, "Fine! You can come along, just don't get crazy hanging around with me, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...Time to have a real life! YAY!"  
  
Lard Nar slapped himself in the face, regretting this now and forever being. They went out of the building and walked down to the private parking lot.  
  
"Now, we'll need a good ship to steal to fly over to Vort to warn my people of their doom, but just find something that's useful. And be very quiet about it!"  
  
They both went searching all around the place, Lard Nar examining each ship and testing out the unlocking codes and Hermly just picked out anything bright and gay.  
  
"I wanna ride this one!"  
  
"Too pink! And besides, we want to blend in the sky so no one won't notice!"  
  
"This one?"  
  
"It's growing fur on it!"  
  
"That one?"  
  
Lard Nar just shruddered, not even bothering to say it. Hermly continued, "Oh! What about this one next to me?"  
  
"Mmm.....nah!"  
  
"This? Or that one? WOW! This guy's a match for you!!!"  
  
"No, No, NO!!!! Here, we'll take this Spittle Runner since you seem to not get the point of this."  
  
"My god, you have serious fashion issues!"  
  
Lard Nar slaps himself again. They got into the unlocked Spittle Runner and flew into space. The next day, they land the Spittle Runner on Planet Vort, still having its dark and cloudy look. They get off the ship and into Lard Nar's old shack.  
  
"Wow! Your own shack! I'd always dream about being in here and...oh my gosh! Your clothes! And you wear the same thing day by day? How lame can you get? And, OOOOOH!!! Your hand prints! I must take a picture!"  
  
Lard Nar gathers his old equipment, completely ignoring Hermly, and tries to think up of ways to announce what he had heard without being called a nit wit. He opens up his laptop and calls up an old helper of his.  
  
"Hey! It's you, I mean the OLD you! What do you want this time?"  
  
"Oh, my god!! It's your SHOWER!!!" Hermly squealed from the back room.  
  
"Who was that?"  
  
Lard Nar didn't want anybody to know about Hermly, either. "Nobody. Listen, I need to borrow your other ship for this army I'm building! It's an emergency!"  
  
"All right-y then! It's on level 7, garage number..."  
  
Lard Nar closes his laptop and carries his blue suitcase with him, walking out of the shack. "I'll be at the Lances Building to reveal the news, just stay where you are AND DON'T TAKE ANYTHING OF MINE!!!"  
  
Lard Nar runs off to the Lances Building, while Hermly closely examines Lard Nar's boots with much interest. I mean, how do Vortians wear boots on those legs?! At the Lances Building Lard Nar opens the door open, with a proud grin on his face, when the intercom guy started to speak.   
  
"ATTENTION! The next fortunate Vortian to sit on The Couch is...........Lard Nar!"  
  
Lard Nar came in, just in time. 


	7. The Computer Creep Finally Leaves

Lard Nar had a mirthful expression upon his face and ran into the building and up the stairway, screaming and hollering for the gratifying heavenly hour he was soon to face. He had forgotten about Operation Impending Doom II, but his baggage was still stuck tightly in his small, three-fingered fist. He stopped his skipping for joy at a sliding door labeled #474, on the sixth floor of the ever-so-famous Lances Building. The tall door automatically opens and he enters The Sacred Chamber.  
  
The Vortian gasps at the sight and his tiny eyes widen. "Holy cow!!"  
  
The room was very vivid and looked like a complacent place, unlike most parts of Vort . Enchanted music played soothingly in the background and a cool, 70 degree feel was in the presence there for an eternity. The floor and the walls felt like fluffy clouds in the Earthen sky, while the ceiling was actually glass reflecting a beautiful underwater scene from the seas of Planet Locusta. Oh yeah, and The Couch stood in the middle of the room, blending right in with the environment present.  
  
But a familiar shadowed figure sat up on The Couch already, examining it with geometric tools and x-ray machinery. "You! I don't mean to be rude, but I'm Lard Nar," He began gallantly to the inferior being, "and it's MY turn to sit on that couch. So leave this place immediately before the I call the guards!!!"  
  
"I don't know whatcha talking about there, mate, because I'M Lard Nar!!" The stranger shouted, with a much high-pitched voice than the real Lard Nar. "Get lost, because I rule The Couch now!! MUHAHAHAHA--uh, I mean, scram, nit wit!"  
  
The stranger threw away his equipment and stood up on the piece of furniture, revealing a Vortian looking exactly Lard Nar. The confused Lard Nar had a bad feeling about this, but he sure did a nice job with the costime and the shiny-skin effects, he commented in his thick brain.  
  
The new Lard Nar waits for the other to leave, but he does not move a muscle. "I said, SCRAM!!! Or else you'll end up like the governors, frozen timed set for eighty years! Wouldn't that be nice? Because it looks like this good quality piece of trash has been on your mind for a very long time, one of your life's greatest goals, perhaps?"  
  
"Wait, why did you just called something you call good quality, but also call it trash at the same time?"  
  
"Does this have to do with anything you were thinking about?"  
  
"No, I was just a little curious is all. Hmmmmmm....." His head nodded several times, and mumbled to himself, "Using oxymoron terms in a threat, where have I heard that fact before....?"  
  
"............." The other Lard Nar lifts one of his Vortian eyes upward, high up in that forehead of his!  
  
"Mmmmhmmm......."   
  
"............"  
  
"Mmmmmmm.........."  
  
The Stranger looks at an imaginary watch and grunts like a boar. "Well, hurry up already! I don't care if it's a stupid threat or anything, but for God's sake, say something already or I'll knock you out!!!"  
  
The stranger ridiculously throws one of his rulers aiming at Lard Nar's head, but flies out of the window instead.  
  
"You can threaten me some more if you like, I just want a little more time to think about this whole puzzling situation."  
  
"You know, you're very kind, especially to me."  
  
"You too." Lard Nar gave out a sly grin. NO, he's not turning gay, that'll just be a weird turn in this story, especially for Hermly.....And so the other Lard Nar stood up even more, trying to look taller than skyscrapers.  
  
"Look, I'm the new Lard Nar, and while you ran off to Devastus, I came by and changed things around here! I can got your old job designing devices and such, but right after the first week of working, I got a double-promotion! HA! I'm cool, I'm popular, I don't wear goggles, I'm intelligent, the ladies go for me and best of all, I'm no nit wit!  
  
"Everybody loves me now! They can't resist fainting on the floor when I walk by, and I'm not a crazy, paranoid nut case who goes off saying, 'The Irkens have invaded! Quick, kill them all off before they conquer us all!' He laughed one his evil laughs again, spitting at the other Lard Nar's face.  
  
"Nit wit you are! The old you doesn't belong here! But the new one, I, is now available for stay, and I shall live in this dump until you all will bow down to me and the Armada behind me! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough, hack* Uh, scratch that last part."   
  
".....It's obvious, you're the Irken invader assigned to conquer my home planet, but you knew a lot about it already, from collecting my life data ever since you first saw me in that biosphere on Devastus, and somehow by bribery and height growth, the new Almighty Tallests picked you to invade Vort.  
  
The Vortian standing on the couch sunk a bit lower, awed by the other's keen intelligence.  
  
"And so you disguised myself as me, but changed my personality entirely so that the Vortians think you're supreme and trust worthy. And now, you forced the governors to let 'me' sit on The Couch, so that you can steal it and examine it to find out the materials used to create it and what our true weakness is. Did I miss anything? Please let me know if I did."   
  
He checked his finger tips afterward, waiting for an answer as the stammering one tried to snap back at him, but his fuming anger faded his holographic-Vortian disguise away, revealing another well-known but not charming Irken by the name of Larb. Secret. Agent---No, Invader Larb!!!  
  
"I hate you! You scoundrel! You smart, son of a bitch!! UGHHH!!!! Well, I would say more, but I've just learned that it's been over and hour now. And you know what that means!"  
  
Larb jumps off The Couch and pushes Lard Nar hard, right out of the window. Lard Nar screams for only a mere 5 seconds, knowing that he land in that garbage can again, right on it's cleaning shaving time. The last thing Lard Nar could hear before he blackened out was the laugh of Larb, an Irken, which uses oxymoron s in parts of a threat.   
  
~ MINUTES LATER ~  
  
Lard Nar pulls his head out of the fresh clean can, this time with no blood. "Ughhh.....my head!!"  
  
He turns around and sees a huge angry mob of Vortians with guns, fire torches, nailed boards, you know, the works. They all give him a hideous more-angry-than-ever look. Lard Nar was used to these kind of things by now.  
  
One of them spots him and points a torch at his location. "It's him! The couch stealer couch potato!"  
  
"Blast him! He's at the traschcan!!!"  
  
Lard Nar ran back to the Lances Building and locked all the doors in just seconds, fearing for his life, though he was used to that feeling. And now that the mob just noticed, charged at all the doors to the Building and started to set it on fire. Lard Nar, tired from all the running, walked back to room #474. But before the slide door opened, a hot, brown liquid was splashed right on his face.  
  
"AHH! It burns! And what the heck were you---Shloonktapooxis?!? What are you doing here? And since when did you work for Irken invaders?"  
  
Shloonktapooxis was there all right, but this time he was eating cookies., he's high on coffee!  
  
"Hiya! I'd knew I'll see ya again! Want some coffee!?! It's the best thing ever! Even better than nacho cheese!"  
  
A random cup of coffee floats in front of Shloonktapooxis, and pours down the coffee into Shloonktapooxis' mouth, and magically refills itself up.  
  
"Well, you probably don't know about the Irken invader situation I've just gone through, so would you want to join me and my group, again?  
  
Shloonktapooxis stuffs his mouth with sugar: "What? Oh yeah, sure I would eat 2 whole boxes of cookie dough in just one minute! And who else are you inviting to this 'party' I've heard much about?"  
  
" *sigh* Look, the only other member helping me out is that creepy android brain, and I'll give you those cheese puffs I still have if you'd help me defeat the Irkens, okay?"  
  
"Mmmmffffmmm!!" Nodded the cone friend. They both go into that magical chamber again, still the same, except The Couch is gone.  
  
"Great! He took it! And will probably frame me for it! But how can he possibly lift that couch out of this room and far off somewhere in just 5 minutes?"  
  
Shloonktapooxis turns around towards the door and was surprised to see what he'd seen "Hey! Are these the other party-goers? They sure look mad! Let's ditch 'm, man!" The mob was right behind them, about to shoot them down, but luckily Shloonktapooxis thought of this as a game and lifted Lard Nar and flew out of the window.  
  
The mob tries to grab them, but even the leader's arms couldn't reach out the window. "No!!! They escaped with us stranded in this burning place! And I'm getting hot, anyone got a mini-fan?"  
  
"Dammit, we should really keep that darn window locked shut, you know?"  
  
Shloonktapooxis was happy about winning the 'game', and followed Lard Nar's orders to fly him through the window of another familiar building, room #4444. And so be it, The Couch was sitting there, in Lard Nar's old Dormitory bedroom, with Larb lying comfortably on its cushions.  
  
"You know, causing all this chaos on Vort and blaming for it all will get you executed." Lard Nar threatened to Larb.  
  
"Whow! Talk about electricity going through your veins, man!"  
  
Larb gets up from the bed, standing up to be taller than anyone else, as usual. "Don't be a nit wit, Lard Nar, because you and I know that we may be allies when it comes to technology needs, but Vortians can be easily fooled into helping us conquer the Universe for shall we say, a bag of jellybeans?"  
  
Lard Nar felt the weaker one now, hearing things that sound awfully familiar to him. Shloonktapooxis had gotten sad. He had lost all his coffee.  
  
"And not to mention that no one will ever believe that my people would come and destroy your people, after all we've done for you? I already have my plan for a successful conquest and victory anyways. It may take several months for it to be put into action, but I'll be here, the whole planet in flames laughing and mocking at you, as you watch my special video recording! There's no way to stop me now, and besides, that sidekick of yours is pathetic!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis slurps up a jar of nacho cheese.," HEY! This is the good flavored nacho cheese, you know???"  
  
"But I'll form a group, no, an army, faster than you can say 'Victory!' and I'll make sure the first Irken they'll attack to death will be you! And that, will be before my people will have to bow down to barbarians such as yourselves! What do you have to say about that?"  
  
"Tisk, tisk. Don't you remember? Right before you got fired, did you or did you not complete the final designs for the very ship that will attack all the civilizations in the Universe, and will guarantee Irken supreme rule for every species that exists today?  
  
Lard Nar felt sick inside of himself now and bowed his head in shame. ".....Yes,"  
  
"HA! YOU ADMIT IT!" He chuckled at his win of the game and pointed at Lard Nar with one of his gloved-claws. "You can't stop us now, Lard Nar! Surrender or you'll just have to suffer great pain! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis didn't really pay any attention to all of this, but got the idea and kicked Larb on his right leg.  
  
"OW! Fucking cone, you are!!" Ow..."  
  
Lard Nar coughed, continuing his say in all of this. "Yes, but I'll run off now, not to be a coward, but to form an army of everyone in the Universe against you rampant little green ants! You may not realize how many that'll be, but I guarantee to make you guys run for your lives and show me the white flag! Come on Shloonktapooxis, There is no time to waste in this hell hole."  
  
Shloonktapooxis lifted Lard Nar and were both out of that room in an instant, leaving a confused, yet non-believing Irken behind.  
  
And so Lard Nar and Shloonktapooxis went off to drag Hermly away from the shower, and all went down to #777's garage and launched themselves off to space in their new Vortian ship. They first went to Planet Ferramentum to gather more of those triangular androids to have more members of the crew. And now taking upon destiny according to The Irken Conquest List, first landed on Planet Blorch.  
  
"Here we are! On the deserted planet!"  
  
"Deserted? There's gotta be some civilization down there. Computer! Land the ship!"  
  
Hermly poked repeatedly on Lard Nar's head, "Why can't I be the ship's computer? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?!?"  
  
Lard Nar ignores him, glancing through a window at a yes, a deserted planet! The ship lands in the middle of a dark forest. When everyone gets out of the ship, things are quiet. Too quiet. No crickets here at all.  
  
"Hello? HELLO!!! Hmmm, where is everybody? I thought this planet was one of the most crowded in the galaxy!"  
  
The Triangular Robot observed the place with his extended eyeballs, scanning geological stuff."Maybe there at some sort of festival or something?"  
  
"Festival? FESTIVAL?!? If there was any festival going on now, I would've been there drinking all the pop by now!!"  
  
Lard Nar scrolls down TICL and presses the name 'Blorch' on it. Another screen appears, filled with data on the planet.  
  
Lard Nar reads aloud what the info, but gets another 'feeling', "Wait a minute, this planet sounds familiar, I remember being warned once when I was young, not even daring myself to enter this planet, I think this is the home of...."  
  
Four huge, hungry looking rodents jump right behind them. They all turn around at once.   
  
"....Slautering rat people?!?"  
  
The four hideous rats roared loudly and their prey screamed and ran for their lives.  
  
"To the ship! TO THE SHIP!!!!!"  
  
"AHHH! We're gonna die, aren't we? I don't even taste that good any how!  
  
Hermly wraps himself around Lard Nar's neck, practically choking him. "If we all die and be eaten Lard Nar, can I hug you throughout the digestion? PLEASE!?"  
  
He didn't even bothered to answer and turned around to see the hungry monsters close behind them, drooling insanely. "Computer! Tele-port us into main control room!"  
  
A light green beam shot out of the ship and swallowed up the clan, and were all safely locked up in the ship. They started it immediately and it went up to the black sky. The rats got mad and stomped on each other's feet stupidly.  
  
"Ya know, whoever has to invade that planet must be some kind of a stupid or short moron!"  
  
"Well, even if the Irkens took over it, I'd not want to free those....creatures! I hope that invader has been chewed up already....."  
  
Back onto Blorch's surface, Invader Skoodge sees the ship flying away and runs after it.  
  
"NOO! NOOO! Wait! Don't leave me here with them! I just know they'll attack me at any minute.... I have burgers on the grill!!! Please come back! Please!!!!!" The poor guy didn't have a chance to get a rescue.  
  
He stoped for a moment to hear the sounds of intense drooling and hunger rising in from four huge rats right behind him. The shadows lured Skoodge and Skoodge shrieks. They attack him to death, but luckily he survived, with a third of his flesh torn off and most of his skeleton broken into pieces.  
  
After that crazy adventure, the rebellious organization grew as they landed on more planets mentioned on TICL, but trying not to get any Irkens involved in the secret business. In each planet, they would either transmit text messages to all the personal home computers on that planet, or stand on a cardboard box and pass out invites to anyone, and not to mention scream out "RESIST, MAAAAN!!!!!!" like fools.   
  
After 18 months of doing this sort of thing, Lard Nar had successfully had a total of around 20 members. Himself, Shloonktapooxis, Hermly, two triangular robots, two big-headed ship drivers, an insectoid female, a three-headed guy, a blob female who vomits constantly, five or six of short fat guys with tiny arms, amn alien who had no head but just a brain, a taller insectoid-looking one and a mysterious member hiding in the shadows. And on one random day, they ran out of fuel for the ship and stopped at the nearby intergalactic gas station in the Cadbury Galaxy....  
  
Lard Nar jumped out of the ship and commanded to the others, "You guys guard the ship while I pay for the fuel refill, but please don't even think of buying yourselves...."  
  
Shloonktapooxis flies up in the air and gasps a big gasp. "They have a snack store! Complete with candy, chips, soda, nachos, cheese, sugar, and...microwave burritos! WOOO!! To the snackies!!"  
  
They all roared, cheered and followed Shloonktapooxis Except Lard Nar and Hermly, who stood there staring at the insane cluster. Lard Nar slaps himself in the face again, he's quite used to this by now, and he even felt a permanent mark coming...  
  
"Turn on the my computer while I'm gone, okay? And please don't stalk me up again!"  
  
Hermly obeys him and Lard Nar walks out of the ship through a huge sliding door, and sees a worker in fuel-black overalls pass by.  
  
Lard Nar comes up to a very tall worker a bit filthy looking, though. He had on a huge smile on his face and multiple arms to push others around with. "Excuse me! Regular Medium-Large ship fuel refill, please?"  
  
"Sure I will!" He replied as if this was his first customer in weeks. But you don't have to pay, I just got fired! Ha ha! I didn't see that one coming!"  
  
Lard Nar felt he'll blend right in with his clan, but even though that would be a bad thing, he was still desperate for comrades.  
  
"I'll pay anyhow, and since you don't have a job, would you like to join a rebellious group willing to bring the Irken Empire to its death fall? I'm Lard Nar, the leader and Captain of the ship."  
  
"Wow! I'll join ya! My name is Spleenk, some guy who justcame up with a bunch of cool ideas!"  
  
"That'll be great!" Lard Nar said, how dumbfounded was he then to go for that? "We will start planning our first attack soon, so you can meet the other members at the sugary aisle. Here's the cash."  
  
Lard Nar gave Spleenk some gold and copper (the common use of money in that galaxy) and went back to the ship and started to research information on the glowing laptop, with Hermly standing by his side.  
  
"OH!!! Your smiling that smile that makes your teeth sparkle!" Hermly exclaimed, his one robot-ic eye extended its size by an inch. "And that's so my favorite look on your face! Tell me, what are you so cheery about? And are you so happy that you are willing to sleep with me tonight?"  
  
"We have a new member, Spleenk, and he's willing to help us out on our first attack of resistance, even though he may be a little stupid like everybody else. And why the heck would I sleep with you!? We had a restraining order on that kind of thing, you know!"  
  
"We do? No we don't.", doubting the truth, and adding a little comment to his 'Special Friend', "Why, I can never imagine having ANY restraining orders with you, Lardus Narusssss!!"  
  
His 'Special Friend' grudged at the attempt of using made-up Latin to seduce him. But the Vortian looked thorugh his window of files and a name caught his eye. "What's this? A file named, 'Private Photos'? I didn't take any pictures on this computer, so it must have been from somebody else...OH! I bet these are the satellite/spy camera photos that I found of private meetings the new Tallests had last week!"  
  
"Uh..... I don't think you should open that, it's probably junk mail anyway...."  
  
"Junk mail?" He doubted, surprised to see Hermly act so bored and careless all of the sudden "Least likely! Maybe it's those pictures of the Irken Armada plans I've been searching for! Or their ways of attacking the victim planets!"  
  
"Just delete this thing, master...I mean, heh, heh, I'm sure it's not THAT important...." Lard Nar didn't even notice the nervous tone in the computer's advice. Anxious to know the secret of the file, he says, "I'm gonna download this file to the Ship's Main Screen!" A huge screen covering up the whole glass view of the outside pops up with the unknown file standing in place.  
  
Hermly's one eye expands a little more now, but not for the amazement of Lard Nar's denture status. "Don't open this file Lard Nar, please! Or I'll....I'll....do something to make you unhappy even though I wouldn't want to do it at all! So there! Delete it already!"  
  
"Aw, come on! You have nothing to do with my laptop yet except you just turned it on, and that time you sprayed Vortian deodorant all over it. It wasn't even mine, damn it!"  
  
Hermly tries to think of a come back, nothing except a "Uhhhh.....NO! NO! NO!NO! Don't open it, or else! I can start a chant you know!"  
  
All the other snack eating members come into the ship (including Spleenk) and watch the argument go on.  
  
"What's that going to do?!? It's just a file with photos in it! And besides, these pictures can change the whole entire organization itself! It might give us the key to defeat them, or something. Here I go!"  
  
"ACK! EEK!" The robot shrieks, knowing what will happen next, and hides under a control table. Lard Nar opens the file up and in an instant huge photos pop up of Lard Nar, but in a very disturbing way. So disturbing that even I slap myself for thinking of such a thing. So I'm not gonna tell y'all anything, 'cause this story is rated PG-13!! So there, hmmph. Lard Nar screams in shock, and the snack-eaters shield their eyes and run for it.  
  
"ACK!!! HERMLY!!!!" Anger management problems from the Vortian fume up right through his skull. "We've talked about not ever doing this kind of thing to me!!!!! What the hell were you thinking?!?! And right in front of the whole gang, too! And why did you put it up on my laptop, I would've seen them either way!!!?"  
  
"Oh, oh, oh, oh......I'm so very sorry...But you look so damn HOT in those pictures!" Even Hermly couldn't resist be serious when his 'Special Friend' was about to chop him into pieces. He even purrs and rubs on Lard Nar's side like a cat. Lard Nar is ticked off, embarrassed and yet quite disturbed about all of this. He just hopes no one will ever remember this day.  
  
"Grrrrr... Out!! Out! Out! OUUUUT!! I knew I couldn't trust you! Even if you did spared my whole brain!!"  
  
"I wish I didn't, though.....That would've been so---"  
  
"OUT!! OUT!!! I don't want to ever see, hear or feel the presence of you ever again!!!!"  
  
Hermly flied off the ship with his dragonfly wings sadly out of the ship. No fighting back, no seduction, just a moment of silence as Lard Nar calmed down slowly. He slaped himself in the face again and deletes the file, along with other disturbing files that Hermly has kept on the computer for the past fewmonths. An hour afterward, Lard Nar is at peace, and gathers his most fullest group around for a meeting (the main computer is flying the ship).  
  
"Attention, people! We need a way to make our introduction attack to the Irkens! I, surprisingly, don't have any clue on how we're going to do it. So....Any suggestions?"  
  
Crickets chirp, even though they aren't any anywhere near the galaxy.  
  
"............" (Lard Nar)  
  
".........." (Shloonktapooxis)  
  
"...* puke *...." (female blob)  
  
"............." (Triangular Robot)  
  
Spleenk now has his chance of doing his first effort into the rebellious cluster. "OH!! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I GOT THE MOST INGENIOUS PLAN EVER!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar was glad to hear from the new guy, "Yes, let's listen to it, then!" But then realized the obvious.  
  
Lard Nar slapped himself anew, but this time so much blood has bleed off his head, and his face has been bruised so much, that he collapses on to the floor, unconscious. 


	8. The Madness of Torro Rojo and Oxyclean

"You want me to do what?!" The Captain yelled, bewildered over the first thing he hears after regaining cognizance.   
  
Spleenk pats him on the shoulder, laughs at Lard Nar's shout and explains to him, "We all fly over to the Massive and destroy their ship a bit, then we invade the Irkens and steal all their snacks, and---"  
  
"No, not you! I was talking to the officer here!"  
  
Two hours since the group had started the meeting, and because Lard Nar was unconscious, practically dying on the floor, the gang got to view with thrill as Shloonktapooxis drank 14 bottles of pop, making the crazy cone extremely sugar high. The ship crashed onto a Meekrobian Universal Police ship, and one of the officers gave in some life energy into the Captain's body.  
  
A Meekrob Officer floated by with a holographic club, swinging it hard. "I know this is against our spiritual rights and laws, but because you crashed into our ship, at 280 mph, we gonna make you drink our whole storage of Red Bull!!!"  
  
"But officers, it wasn't my fault! I knocked myself unconscious, and my men were distracted by sugar intensity!! And why would drinking a bunch of sodas be a punishment for destroying hover vehicles?"  
  
"WOW!" Another Officer said, awed by Lard Nar's explanation. "Anybody who'd knock himself unconscious and leave the controls to a bunch of party beasts is a total NIT WIT! Say, aren't you that Vortian who caused the destruction of Vortica and the Massive's original a couple years back?"  
  
"DON'T remind me...."  
  
Officer #1 came up to him with his club, not growing spikes on the sides. "And this is no punishment, nit wit----"  
  
"The name is Lard Nar!"  
  
Officer#1mumbled "An even stupider name!" and continued, "This is meant so the both of us can laugh pitifully at you and totally humiliate you! Oh, yeah!!!"  
  
The second Officer brought in six boxes of the new, popular beverage, 'Red Bull', and a third Officer turned on a tiny, portable camera and started filming. Lard Nar wasn't sure why they would need this humiliating torment caught on disc, but he hoped that he can at least like this Red Bull drink. Only very few aliens in the Universe have tried it.  
  
"What's with the camera?" Lard Nar asked.  
  
The third Officer had a gun on on one arm, with the camera on the other. "None of your business, now drink up or we'll shoot!"  
  
" *sigh* Here I go...."  
  
The gang watched as their leader opened up a box and picked up a tall, skinny can with the unknown drinking fluid fizzing on its top. Nobody didn't really know what was in this 'Red Bull', but from rumors heard it had a lack of taste but a whole burst of energy in it. Maybe even too much. Lard Nar took one gulp of the drink. Two gulps. Three. Four. He threw the can behind him and started to drink some more.   
  
Officer #1 whispered to #3, "I can't believe it! I've heard this stuff has so many vitamins in it that it actually kills people with just one full can of the poison! He just drinks it as if it were orange soda or Beetleguise!  
  
Shloonktapooxis meanwhile cheered on for his buddy, "WOW! He's drunken five cans of it, and still going! Go Lard Nar!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!"  
  
"Only 39 cans left!!! You're almost there!" Spleenk said, counting the cans on the floor.  
  
~55 MINUTES LATER ~  
  
Lard Nar had drunken 64 cans of Red Bull. The other Meekrob Officers came with more Red Bull as they towed the crushed police ship away. Lard Nar wanted more though, and he became highly addicted to the stuff.  
  
Officer#3 was getting tired the most recent can dropped onto the pile. "Okay, sir, that's all we need to see, so we'll be going now and----"  
  
"That's CAPTAIN Lard Nar to ya, buddy!!!"  
  
"Uhhh.... That was random...." Officer #2 said.  
  
Officer #1agreed,"Yeah, uh...Bye bye! Drive safely and at least decently!!" and he led the others to their own ship at a very, very, fast pace.  
  
"HEY! Come back here, you bitches!!!" The drunken Captain ordered. "I haven't even started to mess y'all filthy glowing air thing-ys around yet! A deal's a deal even if it was just a stupid task!!"  
  
He turned around to see Shloonktapooxis right at his face. "What were you looking at, CONEHEAD!?"  
  
"First of all, its a FLOATING CONE!!!!! And second of all, are you okay? You look drunk!"  
  
"Yeah! Soon enough you'll be killing us all and started to eat our remains with your teeth! Actually, that sounds kind of cool......!" This was obviously from the Mind of Spleenk.  
  
The female blolb vomits something pink and fluffy. "No it wouldn't, you dumb head! I live every moment of my life with agony as it is! And Lard Nar will need to get on some pills before he gets any more crazy!"  
  
"Shut up! I don't even know whatcha talking about, But that's okay!! Heeeheeheeheeheheheheheheehehe hehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheehehe!!!!!!! * hiccup!*  
  
The 3-Headed Guy speaks up, "Okay, someone bring in those pills in already!!"  
  
"What? Pills? What pills? You expect me, leader of the ultimate resistence army and king of the cadbury galaxy to take medication?!?! You're nuts!! You're all after me and my gold!!!!! AHHH!! Don't chew me horns off! They're lucky and worth selling for!!" The now-Irish Lard Nar grabs onto his horns tightly.  
  
"Dude! Calm down! Even I'm not this messed up when I drank Vodka back in my young hip years!! Here, do you want some coffee?" He balances his pot of coffee on his head, including sugar cubes and coffee mugs.  
  
"OH! Caffeine! Sugar! Extreme super powers, WOOOO!!!!" The crazy Vortian grabbed the whole pot of coffee and bag of sugar and poured it all down his mouth like a slaughtering rat person chews down a bucket o' chicken Mc-Nuggets!  
  
There! Was that any better for you? Spleenk asked, hoping that the sugar healed him.  
  
Oh I've got the most ingenious idea we can blast off the ship and have lots and lots and lots and lots o of sugar, Red Bull and caffeine and then we can drive through space around the whole entire Universe and passing by all the cool planets and comets and stuff and go really really really really really really really fast and I mean so fast man that we'll be flat as pancakes and never ever ever ever ever be able to breathe again or un-flatten ourselves oh it'll be so much, much, much, much, much, fun !!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar continued babbling things and giggled on and on, started the ship and pulled the levers and pushed the buttons maniacaly!!!  
  
Lard Nar: HEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Shloonktapooxis looked over the speed range on the computer screen, and shouted, "Wow, we're traveling over 150 miles per hour ma---"  
  
All the other aliens and creatures on the ship fall and fly off to the very back end of the ship, literally flattening themselves with the full speed and pressure going on!  
  
Spleenk has the first to be flattened against the wall. "AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOW! Lard Nar's right!!!! This is more fun then squeezing marshmallow peeps in snack stores!!!!!"  
  
The blob starts to get sick, trying her best to cover her mouth. "UGGHHHH!! OH GOD, NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" A huge waterfall of vomit and goo splashes all over the place.  
  
"EWWWWWW!!!!!! OOOH!!! This is gross!!!! I want my Oxy-Clean!!!!"  
  
"I don't mean to act like curious in the middle of a rollar coaster ride, but where is the oxyc lean anyway? I hadn't seen the 20 gallon jug anywhere today!" Shloonktapooxis asked, shouting the question as the ship goes faster than well...cheetahs. And the rotation of the Earth!  
  
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!WHOA!!? This stuff pretty darn good for a cleaning detergent!!!!" The Captain smiled with a mouth covered with a white powdery substance.   
  
One of the triangular robots find the Oxy Clean! "Oh, damn it, LARD NAR!!!!Did you had to be so hell full of insanity and alcohol that you had to gulp down all of our cleaning chemicals and substances???"  
  
"Haven't your mother ever tell you about Oxy Clean, dude?!" That quote is copyrighted under the OxyCLean company, except for the last word, that's my own creation, dude!!  
  
One of the members was smart enough to look through the giant wind sheild and screamed. "EEEEK!!!! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!!"  
  
"CRASH?! Did you say that we're gonna CRASH?" Spleenk asked, his arms twitching at the sound of the word.  
  
Yeah, he did! The headless guy said, or more likely screamed to Spleenk. "As a matter of fact, we're going to be dead on the pretty, bluish greenish planet straight ahead!!"  
  
".......AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Everyone Else but Lard Nar: screamed just as Spleenk did, all the same time and with the same amount of 'A's, 'H's and exclamation points.  
  
Lard Nar shook his head, irked by all the shrieks and freaks. "Oh will ya just keep your noise holes shut for once!? this is gonna be extreme to the ultimate extreme stunts of death and speed!!!! YEEEHAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh crap, Lard Nar's gone western style!!! We're doomed!!!!!"  
  
"AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Jeez, he could've at least gone into slang-term surfer dude mode like you did, Shloonktapooxis!!" One member said, and Lard Nar babbled on to something strange once again.  
  
"Before we crash and really, really, really, really, really die a very, very, very, very painful and horrifying and even more painful death and blast the survivors off with shiny laser guns or result to some damn awesome carnivorous eating plants and really, really random stuff goes on and we keep randomly saying yeah every five seconds in attempt to drive ourselves out of the roof and into these cement roof tops (hehehehehehehhehehe!owie!), I just have one last thing to say to y'all: I HATED ALL YA HELL BITCHES, so go to the hellhole where all you bastards belong!!!!!! And never, ever, ever, ever eat a moldy bunny!!!!"  
  
"Ummm....what's a bunny?" Spleenk questioned confusedly.   
  
"OH! Is it a snack product? I'm really hungry right now!!!" Shloonktapooxis wailed.  
  
"So long, i'm jumping through this open door!!! and don't you little scrapping poodles go and steal my gold, ya hear?? And don't ya daring to go a-through-ing my most valuable, treasured junk which even isn't mine!!! I'll need them for my trip down under some-where-s!!"  
  
"Great, first drunken mode, then hyper, then crazy, then wild western, then villainy mad and NOW hillbilly mode!!! What the heck was in that Red Bull substance anyway?" The headless one said.  
  
Shloonktapooxis reads one of the cans. " Some water...artificial flavoring...a bunch of vitamin A and other nutrition junk....and a huge dose of Mec #K sleep pills from planet Uranus!!"  
  
"Uranus? PFFT! No wonder! The critters on that moronic planet are always so screwed and backwards, with the name and everything!!"  
  
None of the others noticed but with the ship moving remarkably slowly to the planet's surface, Lard Nar breaks the main window on the ship and jumps out of it, stabbed with glass pieces and bleeding as if blood were suddenly hating the body they were in and ditching it!   
  
But he stupidly falls only 5ft down to the ground and lands on his head. The ship's front end just stops, barely touching the green grassy substance and the whole entire hover vehicle randomly flips over and lands on its right side.   
  
~ 3 HOURS LATER ~  
  
All the members, dizzy and sick from the vomiting, gathered around in a circle around their leader, lying unconscious on the ground again.   
  
Lard Nar wakes up, finally regaining consciousness that will not go insane! "Ughh...ehhh...? It's you...all.....of.....you....You came....to save....me....how very......thoughtful....of you...al-  
  
Spleenk leans down, glaring at the awoken leader. "Oh, you're up now?"  
  
Shloonktapooxis flew over as soon as he saw Lard Nar standing back on his legs. "We aren't here to save ya, buddy! This sign here is a lot more important than that! Take a look:"  
  
WELCOME, VISITORS/TERRORISTS, TO PLANET EARTH   
  
POP.-126,444,037,327,815 


	9. Awfully Wedded Wife, err Husband!

Lard Nar had recovered from his 'pass out', but his eye sight had still been somewhat blurry and he had a huge headache in his supreme thick-brained mind. He read the sign again and again, but to only realize that these signs were on every 20 feet of cubic space. Talk about a waste of wood and paint!  
  
"Planet.....EARTH?! What kind of a planet name is that?!? Sounds like something a vegetarian rat would eat!"  
  
"Hey! Good old Lard-y Nar-ry back to his old, nitwit, hot tempered self!" Shloonktapooxis exclaimed.  
  
"Thank the snack companies for that! I thought we were all gonna crash and die and our flesh would be torn apart and hanging all over the destroyed ship with dooky in our brains!" Spleenk said, forcing the horrific image on the blob member's mind, she vomited once again all over her gooey self, which actually sucks in the puke back inside her body, substantially vomiting the same stuff over and over again.  
  
"You were so out there in space, literally!!!!"  
  
  
  
Spleenk waved his arms around, mimicking the crazy acts of the Vortian. "You were almost on suicidal rage! I was about to knock you out and possibly kill you 'cause you acted so deranged!!!! Can I have some of that Red Bull stuff sometime?"  
  
The group stood nearby a long, brick building with the word 'SKOOL' on top crudely written. A bunch of short, big headed peach skinned people came running out of the 'Skool' cheering. Some of them were actually stupid enough to jump out the windows. The other children were staring at the aliens and robots that stood and glared at them.  
  
One blond girl pushes the crowd out of the way, most likely the leader of the Hip Pack and sneered "Hey, now whatcha look at that! I haven't seen those kinds of geeks in a while! It's like Halloween all over again! Or maybe it's some kind of dork convention! Ha, ha-ha!!!"  
  
One of the kids was a boy with a sharp-looking hair black as the long, stylish trench coat he was wearing to match his tall black boots that stood on the dirt and grass that was apparently supposed to be the sidewalk. He had a look on his face that made him look clever and intelligent, along with lenses covering his huge eyeballs that added on to his 'Obsessive Fan Girls Hot Look'.  
  
"See, I told you that aliens exist and that they'll come to Earth someday! See! And you all thought i was crazy! Beat that, you!" He pointed at a Swollen Eyeball Member that blended in perfectly well in a crowd of other cloaked tall figures walking in the distance.   
  
The blond girl turned towards the boy's direction and pushed him over to a mud puddle, taunting him. "Oh, you idiot! Aliens and robots have always flown in and out of our walled-in city to borrow an Irken army ever since our great grandparents were born!" Lard Nar was baffled by the words of "an Irken army", and listened carefully to her.   
  
"And they are more of them on the rest of Planet Earth, even if none of us hasn't gone beyond the city's walls. Our almighty, superior and tall leaders will make sure business will go as usual, including wiping your brain out someday! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Loser!"  
  
"Whoa, wait a minute, did that girl just say that they're ruled by TALL leaders?!?" Lard Nar asked, but none of the Earthlings seemed to notice his confusion. But Shloonktapooxis remarkably had a simple, accurate explanation.  
  
"Oh, dang! We were so distracted by the hyper-ness of our selves that they already took over the Universe!"  
  
Spleenk wiped all of hands, making a job well done. "Oh well! No use for a rebellious army now! We did nothing to save the Universe and we'll still do the very thing we're best at...... Nothing! Come on, everybody! To the nachos and cheese whiz!!!"  
  
They all cheered and ran off to the nearest Taco Bell while Lard Nar stood still, trying to rethink this through. "Fine! I'll do this whole resistance thing myself! I did most of the work with them around anyway! I don't need them! Especially that Hermly guy!"  
  
His body shook all over at the thought of him. "I hope I won't ever be able to see him again, and I'll be real lucky if I found a way to repair the ship, defeat the Irkens and get to sit on that miracle piece of furniture before I die!!"  
  
An ever so disturbing voice shouted right to the Vortian's hearing organ (whatever that could be). "Hey, Lard Nar!!!"  
  
"ACCK! Who the hell are you?" And what do you know, the little Computer Storage Robot was there right behind him.  
  
"Oh, Lard Nar, I was so desolated without you! The agonizing pain!" Hermly cried. "The tormenting terror! I was bored for so long that I had to be a dumb librarian all over again!"  
  
Lard Nar shrugged.. "Great, it's you, out of all the beings here it had to be you!!" He had no good luck at all today. He mumbled to himself, "And I wish you kept your job as a librarian after I met you!"  
  
"So.......How's life for you?!?" Hermly, giggling like a school girl, was so irritating that Lard Nar punched the eyeball lens down to the ground.  
  
"None of your concern, you little creepy thing, but the Irken race has already taken over the Universe in just 3 hours or so, and I don't know how they would've done it so fast! This place is so mysterious, full of unanswered questions and surprises coming up to my face!"  
  
"But you were gone away from me ever so very long that some of my circuits in here are breaking up! I can't control some of my functions anymore! But my love for your very dearest old self shall never break apart!!! Will--"  
  
The Vortian was more confused now Hermly had said "ever so long" again. "But that's one of the odd things about it! A planet I've never heard of, and a species I've never seen tells me that the whole entire Universe has been ruled over and they're now obeying the Irken Empire!! "And it wasn't even that long---"  
  
"Oh Lard Nar," Hermly interrupted Lard Nar for he interrupting him first. "It wasn't the first several hours that irritated me the most (even though those hours were sure painful and depressing!), it's been these past thousand years that has crushed my love filled soul!---"  
  
"What?!?" Interrupting Hermly again. So rude these characters are! " A thousand years!? You mean I was so drunk from that red bull beverage that it drove me and my army so fast on the ship that we went a thousand years in the future?!" Lard Nar shook and strangled the Computer Robot down to the ground again.  
  
But Hermly didn't mind. "Yep! And---"  
  
"You've got to be kidding!" Laughing a bit, though I don't know why he felt like strangling Hermly. "Why would I believe such insanity and nonsense! Everybody knows the speed to travel at least one year in the future would be 2,000 miles per hour! And my ship can't even go 400 mph!"  
  
"Have you seen the hover calendars lately? There's one right next to you right now!" He pointed to the blue one floating by the Vortian's big head, with a picture of the latest BMW hover-vehicle.  
  
"It's the year 3003," It said, turning the picture into a smiling face with really huge teeth. " A palindrome year, believe it or else suffer the torture of the comfy chair!!!!!!" The hover calendar pulled out a gun and faced Lard Nar's eyes.  
  
Lard Nar was even a little freaked by this, being surrounded by strange technology throughout his whole life. "Get away from me!"  
  
Lard Nar pushes the calendar away from him, and Hermly starts purring and rubbing Lard Nar again. "Oh Lard Nar! I've planned this whole thing out as the years went by and ever since I landed on this planet, waiting for the perfect moment when you'll appear out of nowhere! Will---"  
  
"How did you know I'll come back from the past and find you in the future?"  
  
"--It happens ever so often these days. Now, as I was saying, if you lend me one of precious gray hands into this, I'll promise we'll change courses and fates in history, and go back to a time where you are considered an unforgettable hero, and be able to sit on the Universe's most comfortable couch for the rest of your life!"  
  
Lard Nar smiled at this thought, and everyday since he was young, he had always thought of a moment similar to that. But he still was a bit against it, for it was Hermly who promised all of this, after all (quite pitiful, isn't it?).  
  
"Sure! I'll go along with this plan as long as I can really be a hero! What's the request?"  
  
He moved his right arm in front of Hermly and presented his hand. Hermly held it tightly with two of his spider legs.  
  
"Lard Nar, Will you marry me????"  
  
Lard Nar put on his 'WTF' look. "......AHHH!! UGH!!!" Squirming away from the robot. "Not even in a million years I'll be married to the most creepy and annoying computer mind I've ever met! You hadn't changed one bit! I'm leaving, I can find my own repair unit anywhere in this city!"   
  
And the Vortian stormed off, at first marching away from Hermly, but for his own sake of it, sped up and literally flew out into the distance.  
  
" But Lard Nar.....!"  
  
~30 MINUTES LATER ~  
  
The ship was perfectly fixed and modified to look like as though it had never met a dent before. All the members were in the ship, eating their nachos and writing on the walls with cheese whiz. Lard Nar was looking through the shiny window, seeing Irken balloons and Irken symbols everywhere. Whenever a Irken would pass by, someone else of a different species would bow down to the Irken and kiss the little Irk's feet. But Lard Nar wasn't thinking about the Universe.  
  
"I can't believe I agreed to this! This is something beyond stupid of me to do! Maybe I've become a nit wit now....."  
  
"AWW! Don't be sad, my dear old master! I'm gonna be happy for the rest of my life now! And maybe you'll be too, some night!" He twittered with a uneasy effect to it, even though he didn't meant to do so.  
  
Lard Nar had the shaky feeling again. "Just keep this a secret, okay? But even if we do go back to my own time, wouldn't you disappear because the Hermly back then still exists and you can never mess around with space time continuum!"  
  
'Yeah, I know!" He said, chortling. "So that's why I called up myself from a thousand years ago to tell me that I'm engaged to you! And you can never say no to true love!!"  
  
Lard Nar was about to slap himself again, but he knew it just didn't hurt anymore and cursed to himself instead. " Stupid eternal marriage laws!"   
  
The auto pilot started the ship, in time travel mode and the others watched through the window as the world around them changed and rewind itself back to the start (or the appropriate time period. Ours!). It was kind of slow, though, and even had background music to go with it!  
  
Shloonktapooxis was having plenty of fun, as expected. "WOW! That was awesome! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!"  
  
"Well, now that we're back (and I proved Hermly wrong and he went kapoof in an instant! With no replacements!)," He said happily, laughing a sort of evil but yet cheerful chuckle. "We might as well explore the real Planet Earth, and see if there's anyone willing to join my army!"  
  
"But this isn't really much of an army!" Spleenk pointed out  
  
"That's right, which is why I got this," He puts on a Napoleon hat, covering his horns. "and this," He holds up a long, thin sword. " to make it look and feel that I'm-"  
  
"The general!?!" Shlonnktapooxis guessed.  
  
"No, captain!!" Lard Nar screamed out. "That's captain to you, BUDDY!!!"  
  
" Oh, great! NOT AGAIN!" The one of the 3-Headed member/s said, running for it before the Captain gets drunk again.  
  
~ YEAR 3003, OUTSIDE OF THE SKOOL, WHEN THE SHIP DEPARTS THIS EARTH ~  
  
"NO!!!!" The boy with the jet black hair and huge eyeballs yelled out to the sky. " I might be somewhat insane and all, but that group of aliens just went to the past to save the world from the Irkens!!! They got it all wrong! That creepy computer hobo lied to that Vortian!"  
  
How did he know all of this? Suspense, is what I leave it to you for!!  
  
"Oh, this whole city is so backwards, why does it still exist? I could've stopped him from believing that bastard, but no, I had to sit there and watched their lives change entirely and making that Captain's life an irony!"   
  
He sighed, deeply, and sat back into his mid puddle to think about the bright side of this issue.  
  
"Well, at least he'll get to meet my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great ,great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, their lives were both ironic anyway....." 


	10. God: The Party Pooper

This time the group stood in front of the same Skool again, but different children came out, having even larger heads and running out of the building, cheering and screaming like goats and rams  
  
"Here we are.......again! So, what should we do? Any ideas?" Lard Nar asked, looking directly at Spleenk.  
  
"HEY! Why don't we---"  
  
Shloonktapooxis looked at a computer screen, his eyes get bigger realizing something. " Uh.....We went back a couple of months too soon, Cap'n!"   
  
The taller Insectiod one shrugged, irritated. "Great! We're stuck at the wrong time, again!"  
  
One out of the three on the multiple headed member groaned and complained, "Jeez, it seems harder to travel through time then to travel through space! Are we ever gonna get this damn thing right??? "   
  
A little boy, one with jet black hair, a trench coat and wide eyes lensed with glasses came running up to Lard Nar and started pointing at all of the aliens and yelling out stuff to a little pale girl with a sharp, squared purple hairdo far in the distance.  
  
"Gaz! Gaz! Look at them, you fool! All of you blinded fools!! And everybody thought I should take those mental-relief pills! They are real, all the things I told you about! Aliens, robots and...floating cones?"  
  
"HEY!" Shloonktapooxis said, insulted by the Earthling.   
  
"Are right here, in front of our school!" Continued the child that was inferior to the rest of them. " Just come over here and help me catch them for autopsies!"  
  
The 3-headed guy came over to the boy and caught it using his muscular arms, just about suffocating him. The one called Gaz came over to Lard Nar.  
  
"Okay, Dib! Enough is enough! These are just teenagers in Halloween costumes, you king of dopey dopes! Today IS Halloween, after all!" She mumbled to herself swears for having such an idiotic brother.  
  
"Teenagers? Costumes? Halloween?" The Captain said. "These foreign things you speak of sound like a bunch of curses and insults! How would you dare insult the....wait, we don't even have a group name yet, DON'T WE!??!" He turned around starring at Spleenk again.  
  
"Oh yeah! I knew we forgot something!"  
  
"BULL SHIT! Well, anyway, I'm Captain Lard Nar, and this is my group of multiple species from the series of candy product galaxies, here to battle against the Irken Empire!!!!"   
  
Gaz doubted the what she called it, 'load of crap'. "The Irken Empire?!? PFFT! Right, like I would go for such trash! I only care about what my stomach craves and my video game skill, the Universe's fate is none of my business."  
  
But Dib called this 'Nothing BUT a load of crap'. "Empire?!? U--Universe's fate?!? Aliens!!! Let me go!! I want to know of these things!!"  
  
"Yes, yes, very nice to show your interests, idiotic child," Lard Nar uttered, waving one of his hands right at the boy's face "But would you, Gazella or whatever your name is, would you join my fellow comrades to defeat the Irkens before they go and defeat us????"  
  
"We've got snacks and play poker every night!" Shloonktapooxis said, but you couldn't convince this 'Gaz' being much into doing anything.  
  
Gaz punched Lard Nar in the tummy and he fell to the ground, wailing in pain. And Dib finally gotten out of the 3-headed guy's clutches.  
  
"Don't you ever, ever, ever, EVER call me by my real name!!! This is your last warning, Nard Lar!"  
  
"Owww.....and its LARD NAR! A very rare Vortian name, but easy to remember!"  
  
Dib tucked her sister's black dress, begging. "Hey Gaz, what about me???? I'm more interested in the paranormal than you'll ever be!"  
  
"Fine," Gaz said with an annoying tone to her voice. "This is my stupid crazy older brother Dib. You might want to talk to him about this 'saving the Universe' deal, he's always into that kind of thing!"  
  
Gaz mysteriously disappears with a poof of smoke into the air, and Lard Nar stood up to greet the excited Dib. "Dib, eh? And what makes you so interested with the Universe and the species in it, they're not that interesting at all!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis flew up to Dib, tugging his scythe hairdo. "Except for me! I'm a champion limbo player, baby!"  
  
"Wow, out of all the aliens and paranormal stuff I've seen throughout my life, I have never since any of you guys before, and I have never heard of aliens that were rebellious against an Empire before!"  
  
"Of course there can be revolutions, you stupid boy! So, are you willing to join my army?"  
  
"Gee....I don't know...I was planning on doing some satellite transmission hearings tonight...." Dib shook his head, but Lard Nar's excitement stopped his thinking.  
  
"You have a satellite?! Guys, do you know what this means?!"  
  
"It means he's got unlimited channels on his TV!" Spleenk said, clapping all of his hands.  
  
Shloonktapooxis acclaimed, "YEAH! Time to watch Friday night TV, WOOOO!"  
  
"No!" Lard Nar said, slapping himself, becoming a habit for him now. "This means today is that day!!  
  
"The day when the cool cartoon show premieres tonight at 9:00?!" One of the members guessed.  
  
"No!" Lard Nar realized that none of them were with him at the time, and had to explain. "You see, one night I was stuck on Devastus, and I was listening to a transmission from Planet Conventia, and it was The Great Assigning!! And right in the middle of it, my satellite was blocked by an unknown foreign one! This child here owns that satellite!! Operation Impending Doom Two starts tonight!!!"  
  
"OOOOOOH!!! THAT day!!!! Yeah sure, whatever..."  
  
~THAT NIGHT ~  
  
Lard Nar and Dib were lying on the rooftop on Dib's home, while everyone else watched TV. They were both listening to The Great Assigning.  
  
"Wow, so you're actually from the future, and you know everything that's going on now?!"  
  
"Of course! I've always researched secret info on the Irkens since I started working in the military research department on my home planet, Vort!"  
  
"That's so cool!! I'll definitely join your army! You know, this is the greatest night of my life! I can finally leave this absurd planet, and everything I've known that has never believed me on anything! I hope we win the revolution!"  
  
Lard Nar sighed. "So do I, Dib, so do I..."  
  
Everything's going great, the way it should've been before. Lard Nar meeting a friend who understands him, Shloonktapooxis and the gang actually shutting up and watching good old Friday night programming and best of all, a small thread of hope that Lard Nar's life long dreams will come true. Time did what it should do and the whole Universe was doing jolly fine! Well, at least until....  
  
FREEZE!  
  
"Huh? What just happened?!? Dib? Dib, are you awake?" Lard Nar slaps the boy's face a bit, but it was that cold, stoned feeling of the peach skin that made Lard Nar figure it all out.  
  
"Oh great, the 'End of Time Servers' are here! Its going to be space time continuum all over again"!  
  
Out of the night air, a ball of light formed and two tall guys dressed in white, holy robes climbed out of it and stood in front of Lard Nar. "Lard Nar: Vortian, of the 20th century, we are GOD!!! Hail down below us and shout... hallelujah!"  
  
"Yeah! HEEHEHEHE! Doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit!!!!!!!"  
  
God #1kicked God #2 in the shin. "Sorry about that, he's on sugar high today. Now do as we say or ...... DO A LITTLE DANCE NOW!! Do de do, do! Do, Do! De, De! De! De! De!! YEAH! Do a little dance! Do a little dance! Do a do a do a....do a little dance now!!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar turned off the boom box behind them. "You guys are so stupid, no wonder they put you in charge of keeping an eye on the whole course of time and space itself! Talk about the lowest level of jobs you van get!!"  
  
God #2 got up, taking his boom box back. "Well, boring or not, you and us know that you and your gang has committed space crime #2478, traveling back or forward in time and taking a souvenir with you!"   
  
"Shame on you! Even though it might change the future from a horrid nightmare to a pleasant, peaceful heroic heaven for many, we still have to drag you and others of your original time period, back home and safe as a caged kitty!"  
  
"That's why we froze up the Universe, for ya! YAAAYY!!!! It's time...."   
  
"For our favorite part of the day...." Drums roll.  
  
"The most coolest thing about having this job..." Trumpets play suspenseful music.  
  
"The amazing, the shiny, the ultimate power..."  
  
"It's........."  
  
"Time for the flashing memory loss thing-y!!!!!! Dun da, da dun!!" They shouted and presented simultaneously.  
  
"Whoa wait a minute, WHAT??"  
  
The Universe became unfrozen in seconds and Dib awoke, confused by all the commotion going on.  
  
"We've already stolen the others and your ship back to the time when you were all about to go to very speedy super fast mode on the ship, so you'd never went time cruising on that day!" God #1 explained  
  
Dib noticed two strange looking creatures wearing bright white robes, thinking he it was a dream at first, but nothing in this boy's life can be a mere dream.   
  
"Ugh... Hey, who are you guys? Lard Nar, what's going on, is this about the space time laws and the gods of the end of time again?"  
  
God #2 shrieks. "Oh, bullshit!! Now everyone knows our secret!!"  
  
Gaz climbs up on the roof. "DIB!!! Those pigs left the house and stole all our food!! You better get their asses back here right now or I...I..."  
  
"Hey everybody!! SAY CHESSE!!!"  
  
"Hehehehehehehehehehe! Cheese is my friend!"  
  
Lard Nar, Dib and Gaz all turned around and saw a metal stick with a little red light on it, and that light flashed through their eyes and into their memory banks, clearing up the history of what happened THAT day.  
  
~ THAT NIGHT, A COUPLE MINUTES EARLIER ~  
  
Lard Nar, Shloonktapooxis, Spleenk and everybody else partying was back in their ship, free to roam around in space again and paid their ticket to the Meekrobian cops just many hours before.  
  
Gaz was downstairs, looking around in the refrigerator for a slice a pizza and some soda. Even though she would usually be stealing candies tonight, she decided she was too old for that stuff and planned instead to steal cash from the foolish people in her neighborhood at midnight.  
  
All of the food and snacks were stored perfectly safe and untouched in either of the cupboards of the Membrane kitchen.  
  
Dib was on the rooftop below the night skies, with head phones on, listening to the transmission of the assigning on Planet Conventia, and a shocked look formed on the child's face.   
  
"They're coming...." He said under his breath. "They are all coming....."  
  
******  
  
~ BACK IN NORMAL TIMES...~  
  
"What? What am I doing here, on my captain's chair?" Lard Nar asked, "I could've sworn I was in the past somewhere...And how exactly did we got back to the precise timing right after the cops left, in the ship perfectly restored? And who's drinking all the Red Bull, then?"  
  
Spleenk belched a very loud, very rude burp. "Sorry, none left!"  
  
"AWWW Jeez! You could've at least save some for little miss clump over there! She only has her own insides of vomit to drink!" Two out of three heads of one member said.  
  
"This isn't right....." She puked, and then minutes afterward she got it all out, she slurped it right back in with a straw.  
  
"But... We went forward in time, met Hermly again and then we went backward....We found ourselves a year earlier and then...God, damn it! The whole rest is a blur! Except later that night when I met these goof balls who said something about stealing things from the past...and something else about an awful catch for me from wishing I'd see myself as a hero...."  
  
"Hey Lard Nar! Can I borrow your laptop to chat online? I hadn't been talking to Freddyangelbird1776 in a while!" His cone pal asked him.  
  
"AHHHHH! The evil catch! Shloonktapooxis is going to destroy my favorite laptop!!!"  
  
"What's that you say? .......OH! About that, me destroying your computer isn't it, but that's an awesome idea anyway!" Shloonktapooxis was full of glee as he left the room with an ax between his teeth.  
  
One of the quieter members rushed over to the Captain, holding a package in his hands. "Captain! A package delivery service just gave us something labeled, 'TO LARD NAR: THE REAL EVIL CATCH'. Here it is!" He threw the box right at Lard Nar, almost knocking over from the chair.  
  
"Hey Lard Nar, guess what I heard from me in the year 3003? I'm married to you, isn't wonderful?"  
  
The Vortian screamed a horrid head aching scream, almost high-pitched, but not quite. Not quite yet.....  
  
~ LATER. MUCH. ~  
  
"This is such a horrid nightmare!" The Vortian said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'd never thought it'll be like this!"  
  
An electric blue chain is attached to Lard Nar and Hermly, but because true "love" has made this marriage official, it's almost impossible to break or extend the chain of eternal agony.  
  
Spleenk played the priest-guy for the marriage. "Now, to complete the official binding of 'ove' we need to make the chain tremendously painful for anyone who touches it except he whose souls is full of happiness (Hermly). And to do that, we need to insert the one ring..."  
  
"To rule them all!!!" Shloontapooxis shouted, and on his tip hung a shiny, god vibrating ring with the elfish language written on it.  
  
"Nah! Too powerful! The ring we need is..."  
  
"A wedding ring?" Suggested on of the triangular robots.  
  
Spleenk nodded his head and shook his hands around . "No! No! NO! Why the heck would you use a wedding ring?! Those are for hillbillies. The ring that is most useful to us in this case, would be a....doughnut ring! Heh? Heh?"  
  
Shloonktapooxis tosses a doughnut to Spleenk, and he drops the pastry onto the blue chain. Vibrating and burning hot, everybody in the room steps back far, far away.  
  
Lard Nar wailed like a miserable puppy. "Oh, go-"  
  
But Hermly squealed like a happy pig "--odness me! This is the most happiest moment of my life! We'll never depart again, my dear!!" Hermly starts to sob while Lard Nar drags him and the chain into the main control room and manages to sit on the captain's chair, knowing that he'll never get used to this. And possibly even try to develop Mad Cow Disease in his body during the process.  
  
~ THE NEXT WEEK ~  
  
On the main screen is a planet, known by all on the ship. The place where it all started, the big mass of rock and electricity that was once a home, but now another doomed planet along with many, many others, all because of Operation Impending Doom Two. And the place where Shloonktapooxis bought sugar and coffee for an incredible price of $1.25!!!  
  
"There she is, everybody," Lard Nar said, happy for once. "We meet again, old friend...and hopefully you'll be one of the first my army will save and protect from those rampant Irken ants! For those of you who don't know, I'd like you to meet: Planet Meekrob!" 


	11. A Mysterious Guest

"Planet Meekrob?!?" Shloonktapooxis questioned, surprised to see it wasn't Vort. "You lived on that spiritual forest planet?!"  
  
'Yep! Back in my young, hip days before I got a job in Vort, I crashed at flyer's ed. Ship I was driving for my third testing onto Meekrob, and got stranded there for 5 years!!"  
  
Spleenk doubted the joy of that event. "A waste of your teen years!! Inner peace!? PFFT! As if anyone here has inner peace!!"  
  
'Yes! I have TRUE inner peace! Just look in my mouth, man!"  
  
Shloonktapooxis opens his mouth wide open and shows it off to everybody. Its got a bunch of peace symbol stickers attached to his tongue and teeth.  
  
"Shloonktapooxis, Why the freaking hell did you stick a bunch of bumper stickers in your mouth?"  
  
"It represents my young hip years, Lard Nar!! I can't just see them as the idiotic years of my life!! It's what I HAVE BECOME!!!!"  
  
"EWWWW!!!!" Hermly screamed out "Hey," Changing moods, "We've landed! Hooray!!"  
  
The ship had been standing there on the deserted surface of Meekrob for over 20 minutes now. The gang finally got off the ship.  
  
"So, I guess we'll go along with Spleenk's original plan; Find the Massive, attack it and steal their snack from their storage pods! Easy! I'll just need to find out where it is...."  
  
"But we wouldn't all die from the attempt because of the well trained Irken soldiers and the advanced destructive technological powers of the Massive ship?" Female Blob says, vomiting right afterwards.   
  
"Yes, yes we all gonna die and everything...But it's the only plan we have for now. Now, MARCH!!"  
  
"March to where? There isn't any civilization anywhere!!" Said one of the short chubby guys with sharp teeth.   
  
"Damn! That stupid auto pilot landed us in the Doomed Desert! That bastard!! Everyone split up and find ANY sign of Meekrobians or anyone else lurking around, and ask them if they have seen the Massive ship. Call me if you got the directions. Everybody have their communication dial up phones?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah...whatever...." Uttered most of the herd.  
  
"Good, now we..."  
  
"March! Come on, buddy! This will be fun!" Hermly cheered. "You and me alone in the middle of an empty mass of rock and sand....doesn't just give you the giggles?!?"  
  
Lard Nar formed that 'WTF!?' look, and moved on. He was hopeless to escape the chain, any how....  
  
~2 AGONIZING HOURS LATER ~  
  
Lard Nar, still attached to Hermly, are in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and haven't any body or any shadows of living things for too long now...He had found an electric saw a mile back and has been trying to saw off the madness chain off of him ever since. Hermly kept singing annoying songs from musicals that'll drive you through the roof, just to keep the rage of Lard Nar lively and full of energy!  
  
"And then we went to the where? To the where? To the......"  
  
"Shut up, you filthy piece of fucking hell damned shit!!!!! Even I don't curse this often! That Red Bull probably had gotten into me....."  
  
Hermly hesitated for a couple of seconds, but then started again!! "We went to the Broadway stage, BABY!!!!!!!"  
  
"Gotta saw, gotta saw, gotta saw, gotta saw.....!!!" Lard Nar saw with the electric saw faster and more harder than ever before, but the evil goddess of love had to get strong chain to tie their souls together forever!!   
  
"Grrrrr.....Why won't it cut the chain?!? This the latest, most advanced model for God's sake!!!!"  
  
"Don't worry, sweet-y pie!! This chain will only break if I fell in love with someone else!"  
  
"God help me, or at least the REAL God, anyway!!!"   
  
"Or you can get the divorce papers filled in and signed!!"  
  
"But there isn't any Divorce or marriage licensee law department buildings in over 44,000 miles from here!"  
  
"Yeah, I know, isn't it great?!? Hehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!"  
  
"I'd rather be chained to Shloonktapooxis for an eternity than to you!! At least he's more of a friend to me and he's a lot more entertaining than you'll ever be!"  
  
"Well, too bad!! Now I'm the happy adventurous one and you're the sad depressed one I was once before!! Hehehehehehehe!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar sighed sadly, wondering, "I wonder how the others are doing..."  
  
~ SAME TIME, EXCEPT IN A AMUSEMENT PARK~   
  
All the other "rebellious" members are all on a roller coaster along with other Meekrobs with cotton candy in their energy hands.  
  
"WEEEEEHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"This rocks, man!!!!! Having the time of our lives!!!!!!!" Shloonktapooxis yelled out to the 3-Headed guy.  
  
"Weren't we here to do something else too?" One of the 3 heads asked.  
  
The Insectoid one with the grasshopper head pointed out, "Yeah! Something for the Captain, something very important and useful for your rebellious deeds, now what was it?"  
  
"Ummm...".  
  
"Uhh....."  
  
"Hmmmm......."  
  
Spleenk never has time to think through. "Who cares! There's cotton candy down there next to the Ultimate Puke-in-ater ride!"  
  
"Oh dear god!!!" And so she vomits, before she even got to glance at the ride.  
  
~ BACK TO LARD NAR AND HERMLY, THAT NIGHT....~  
  
Lard Nar was about to give up sawing the chain to death when Hermly had fallen onto the sand, and pulled Lard Nar down with him.  
  
"Ahh....look at those shooting stars in the sky! Pretty, huh?"  
  
Lard Nar looked up too, nodding, "Those are burning asteroids flying towards the Nhar' Ghok home world, you dumb ass."  
  
"................Oh I can't take it anymore! Let's do it!! I'm ready!!!"  
  
"Wait, what are you talking about? Something bad, isn't it?"  
  
"For the two of us under the shining stars it wouldn't be!!"  
  
"........?" o _O  
  
"Oh, you know......" He winked, even though his only has one eye so it does not matter!! "Why else would I fall onto this smooth sand, by accident? HA!!"  
  
O_O ".......Eeeeeeeek!! Uggh!! Oh shit, that's just screwed!!!!!" He ran for his life as far as he can from that crazy computer, but the evil chain can and only can make them 2 feet apart at its longest.   
  
Suddenly it got pitch black, with Lard Nar hardly seeing his hand in front of him, trying to prevent that dreadful thing from ever happening, the Vortian was half scared, half disturbed by the thought of it.   
  
Hermly, however, had night vision and can see his love perfectly, and actually got up from the sand and pulled the chain with his spider legs, flying in the air with the help of his dragonfly wings.   
  
Lard Nar talked into his mind, not really wanting to admit defeat to this thing. "Oh, great! Just great! He got me! He has defeated me, and I'll probably never have a comforting life with him by my side ever again! We'll probably be stranded here on this planet forever, while the Irken Empire takes over the Universe! Oh, I should've listened to myself back when I got fired! I am just some nit wit, and I should be dead on the graveyard planet, Deadzone by now!!"   
  
"Oh please, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"  
  
A hand glided forward from the ashy black air and held on to Lard Nar's hand, pulling the whole Vortian so firmly in such quick timing that the chain broke in half as soon as the door slammed right on it. Lard Nar was inside a shed, one of those emergency huts where you can contact the nearest Meekrob village by sending over ancient coded messages called, "Morris Code".  
  
"......Uh, hello? Whoever you are, um, thanks. I kind of needed that at that particular moment, as you can see...or, not see....Heh! Heh!"  
  
All was silent, except for the sound of breathing with some kind a mechanical machinery in its throat. It leaped right behind the Vortian and grabbed him by his hands behind his back with one claw, and choking Lard Nar's gray neck with the hand that rescued him. He felt a spider leg gently rubbing his neck with 2' foot, long shiny butcher knife. He started to shiver.  
  
"Don't you dare move a single antennae, you are under my arrests now!! Its either you tell me what Irken civilian are you and why you've come to my lair, or its time to slice your neck off, and saw off your vocal cords? Wouldn't that be nice?!? And don't you worry about the mess, I usually get every drop of blood destroyed in under 10 minutes! Aren't I fast? I've learned to speed clean back when I was a slave to that repulsive Zim, and to clean as a punishment whenever I didn't murder that Dib human!!!   
  
She sighed heavenly, as though she didn't have a metal object I in her vocal cords "God, did I love that boy like mad....We would've escaped the planet together! Flying through space, having the time of our lives!! But alas, when I told him my secret, he betrayed me!!!! He thought I was on their side!! He never trusted me after that day..."  
  
Lard Nar tried to explain as she suffocated him tighter and tighter, "ACK!! ACK!! But I'm no Ir-ACK! ACK!!" He kicked the stranger right on her leg and she growled in pain, in a mechanical way of growling, with pieces of machinery supporting her tongue and lower jaw.   
  
Rusty mechanisms down her throat to help her voice. Her hand had let go of Lard Nar's neck and left it alone for about 10 minutes or so. And for that ten minutes they were as silent as a dead, hollow bone of a carcass.  
  
"You dare kick me and didn't even explain yourself, after I've given you the chance!! You idiotic bitch!! I outta stab you right now before I tell my whole life's story! You stupid Irken should pitying yourself right now, for being one in the first place, HA!!"  
  
Her claw held the long butcher knife, and with her spider legs handcuffing Lard Nar's hands behind his back, her hand was feeling Lard Nar's neck, finding the perfect place to stab and slice.  
  
"Prepare to die a bloody and professionally freakish death, Irken! Or I'm not Irk's best assassin for ANY species, Irken J---Wait, whoa?! This skin of yours is so unusually smooth, but not skin cream smooth, but naturally...."   
  
She dropped the knife to the floor and began to feel and touch Lard Nar's body, shaping the whole thing out and was shocked to see that this was no Irken she had grabbed in the darkness.   
  
Lard Nar was somewhat calm now, but hoping she wasn't as crazy for love as Hermly was. Her hand touched his, "3 fingers, like a typical Irken." she whispered, but her hand raised up higher, and felt his bare arm instead of a glove and sleeve.   
  
She rubbed his goggles with her claw metal tips, "Pure unbreakable glass..." she had said to herself, studying him more and more.   
  
Then, up on top of the Vortian's head, her hand was trying to shape out what was on top of this creature, "no antennas, no...", she claimed to her messed up mind, "but horns.". And finally, her claw extended downward and felt the odd shape of Lard Nar's legs.   
  
It was very freaky, very odd, indeed. Most creatures and beings in the Universe who had legs were perfectly straight, but bend-able in one way and one place. But this leg was no straight line, and it had, indeed, two knees. Two ways to bend each of them.   
  
"Just like me...." The stranger finished, gasping a quiet but an awed gasp.  
  
Only one species had this unique quality. "Sorry, I should've known. I should've been more considerate of you screaming at the door, wanting nothing but help, and instead I gave you more of a scare for your life."  
  
She released Lard Nar and walked away, picking up her knife and storing it back in her PAK on the way. Lard Nar was confused, but for him, it was better being threatened to death by a stranger and being confused afterwards, then having to be outside with Hermly, "crossing paths".  
  
"Here, let me turn on the light, and don't be scarred....Its just a serious virus I have inside me...I will harm you no more." She turned on the light, and Lard Nar turned around to see what she look liked. He dropped his jaw down and widen his eyes just a bit, but he wasn't actually scared anymore, but more of a shocked/surprised feeling.   
  
He did not know what to say, whether it was the right one, the wrong one, or the completely different one.  
  
She was an Irken, as you might've known already, but she her spine was crooked and formed a hump right where her PAK is attached, she was a foot bigger than Lard Nar, but if she straightened her back she would've been at least almost 8 feet tall. A part of her right eye was taken off, you can see her inside flesh and her lower jaw was supported by a robot arm holding them under her fangs.   
  
A corner of her head was eaten off, and a bit of her skull and brain can be seen. One of her arms has completely robotic, her neck was unusually long, and her legs were just like of that of a Vortian, but a lot bigger, and had two very strong feet supporting that whole heavenly destroyed body.  
  
"The names Jil, Irken Jil, and I'm the greatest assassin known on Irk, and maybe with the rest of the Universe. I'm very young, but I'm smart and know my skills well, its just I have to live an awful life because of the Irkens and their society, and because of this evil virus destroying me day by day!!!   
  
"I'm getting weaker and weaker by the hour, but I keep my confidence up by practicing my homicidal and martial arts skills. I've been trying to ask the Tallests if they can a new body for me from your people, since a body is expensive and very rare as it was. But they've denied me for my other secret of being taller than them, and sent me to Earth, where I had to work for Zim. And the rest you already know."  
  
"Planet Earth? I've been there before," Lard Nar recalled, "And that Dib child you talked about earlier sounds so familiar to me....And I definitely know that Zim jerk! He worked at Vort months ago, and ended up destroying my home planet, and blaming it all on me!!! I got fired and banned from ever working there again! But now I'm a Captain, and I lead a group of revolutionaries I order to end the Irken Empire and Operation Impending Doom Two!!!!!!"  
  
"Wow!! Destroying the Irken Empire is a vision in my life long dreams!! I've always wanted to gain vengeance from those green ants!! And why are you here anyhow? And whose sobbing outside my shed?"  
  
"That's just Hermly, a jerk. A very creepy one, so to speak. But, I've come to seek directions to find the location of the Massive! It's part of an attack we're planning."  
  
"I just flew off that ship with my hover-board a couple of days ago! I can track it down for you and we can follow it!! Can I join your group, please...um, what do they call you?  
  
"Oh! Lard Nar," He said, then adding, "Captain Lard Nar."  
  
"Please, Lard Nar? I've been an Irken all my life, I know a lot of secrets and major attacking projects they're up to for the Empire!! I can kill the whole Armada for you in just 15 minutes!! Without the use of lasers or bombs! I'm against them, too!! Just please understand that, yes, I have been one of them for all my life, but I'm different from the average Irken! Let me join your gang, you won't regret it one bit!!"  
  
Lard Nar thought about this, debating whether what she was explaining to him now was actually true. "Oh, I don't know, you are willing and all, but....."  
  
"I'm no Irken spy! Trust me!!" She said, as with she knew exactly what Lard Nar was thinking. "I hate those Irkens down to the dark pits in my heart and swore, promised myself, cross my heart hope to die, stab a laser needle in my eye that I'll destroy those Irkens and never leave one living!  
  
"Please?? Ever since I had to leave Earth for of my hate for Zim and the human species I've been lonely and willing to do something worthwhile!! Please?????" She bent down to the ground as best as she could with her deformed legs, and tried to make the puppy pout look.   
  
Lard Nar thought about it for a moment. Even though this will be the last living creature whose against the Irkens, knows their secrets and actually wants their entire Empire and fancy way of living destroyed, he still felt this was not the time to trust her entirely. It was something about her genes....  
  
"Sorry, I just can't let you be on my side yet. But we'll wait and see. Maybe I'll see you later sometime. Thanks again for breaking the chain off of me, though.........Sorry." Lard Nar turned around, and walked out of the shed through a different exit, not wanting to meet up with Hermly.   
  
Jil looked at her table with all her valuables on it and grabbed a paper off of it. "Wait!"  
  
Lard Nar turned around, and remembered he had forgotten something. Jil handed him the piece of paper she took off the table. "Here, the directions for your trip. Um.........Goodbye."  
  
"Thanks, and goodbye to you, too." He walked out of the shed and closed the door silently, but also painfully for the Irken known as Jil, Irk's Greatest and Most Professional Assassin, and......The Irken Rebel.  
  
****************  
  
Outside, Lard Nar walked as far away from that shed (and Hermly) as possible, but because he walked so slowly that night, he was only 20 feet away from the shed. He heard a noise and turned around to see that form one of the large windows stood Hermly and a shadow of the Irken next to him. The window was creaked open.  
  
"Hey, you!! You evil, evil witch!! Where's Lard Nar? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!? Where has my true love gone onto!? And you are ever so evil and you are a total bitch for breaking our love chain of the heavens!! Now you made Lard Nar and I upset, and now we can never be together ever again!! You evil witch! You evil bitch! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH!!!"  
  
Lard didn't see what happened next, but he heard a bunch of stopping and electrical crashes and water splashing. Hermly dropped dead on the ground.   
  
"Trust me, he never want to be involved with you in the first place, he's better off now, away in his ship and leading his army for war....for war....for warrrrrr!!!!" Jil shouted, with a hint of acid tears in her eyes.  
  
Lard Nar didn't stand to find out what would occur next, and ran off as fast as his Vortian legs can go, he was kind of upset for the choice he made, it would've been a lot better for him and her to be together, and there was more of a chance of defeating the Irken Empire with her by his side. But the only thing that made him smile as ran into the desert, and found his ship with his gang sleeping like logs in their bed chambers, was that Hermly was now dead, and will never rise to bug him ever again.  
  
"Why didn't I do that a long time ago? He smacked himself. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid" 


	12. Time to Get Going!

~ THE NEXT DAY ~  
  
Lard Nar hadn't really slept that night, but because somebody bought extra cans of Red Bull, he was more energetic and awake than everyone else. He was in the bed chambers now, pushing each rubber mattress off to the side and kicking and pounding all the beds. He was not the most strongest Vortian in gym class when he was a child.  
  
"Come on, everybody! Let's move it already!!! I want to see some excitement and thrill today!!!! I've found out where the Massive is, and we shall attack this afternoon, up 'til midnight!! And we're not using the auto pilot today!!!"  
  
"Aw, man!!!"  
  
"Oh, come on!!"  
  
"I have severe stomach pains!!"  
  
"It's Saturday morning, for Pete 's sake!! We want sleep!"  
  
"Yeah! We want sleep!"  
  
"Can't it wait 'til Monday!?"  
  
"Or Tuesday?"  
  
Lard Nar knew this was coming. But he learned to be a little demanding from a show call 'Mail Call'!  
  
"You stupid maggots all jump out of your beds and work like the devil's slaves or I'm gonna bust all your heads off and ban any snack treats from this ship!!!! And you better attack those Irken rampant like true angry revolutionaries!!! Do I make myself clear?!"  
  
Everyone stood up from their beds wearing, surprisingly, army uniforms with cool combat boots and yelled simultaneously, "Sir, yes sir!!!"  
  
"Now move it or be spanked to death!!"  
  
They all ran out of there immediately and acted more prepared and into the attack more then ever. They all got in their seats and positions and flew the ship off to space!! Lard Nar sat comfortably on the Captain's Chair.  
  
"Finally! We're fully prepared to burn those voot cruisers and spittle runners down to the ground!! This should be fun!"  
  
~1 HOUR LATER ~  
  
"Well that didn't last that long...."  
  
Everyone is either having a Spit grand championship game, or watching the auto pilot go extremely hyper from drinking the Red Bull.  
  
Lard Nar groaned, "At least the auto pilot is following its locked directions and driving a lot faster than usual, we should find that ship flying by us by 10:00!"  
  
Lard Nar was drinking a cold slurpee and getting an extreme brain freeze when Shloonktapooxis came over with important news. Yes, I said important news.  
  
"Hey, Lard, I've found some actual news that might concern you a bit! And it might concern the rest of the group, too!"  
  
Lard Nar spitted out all the sugary slurpee gooiness that was in his mouth. "What? You went off and found meaningful news for the group?!" He paused, and asked, "....Have you been taking crack again?"  
  
"Nah, of course not!! Why would I take crack today?  
  
"........"  
  
"Well, I guess I did have some just this past minute, but never fear!! This will definitely mess up your brain freeze there a bit!"  
  
"So, tell me already!!"  
  
"Uh, well, ya see....the Irkens have now successfully conquered 12 planets now...."  
  
"Yes, yes...The whole god damn universe knows that!!! Just get to the point, Shloonktapooxis!"  
  
"But, another planet has recently been claimed Irken properly. In fact, it was invaded just an hour ago! And guess what? It was your home planet, Vort, YO!!"  
  
Lard Nar dropped his slurpee and fainted.  
  
"See! I told you all that info was decent enough ya!! See!!....Can I control the laser cannons now????"  
  
~3 MORE AGONIZING HOURS LATER ~  
  
The auto pilot became unconscious after drinking its 12th can, so it took longer to get the ship moving.  
  
Spleenk poked at Lard Nar with a stick. "Hey, look! He's getting up!"  
  
"Uhhh...... Hey! Who the hell took my slurpee? I was drinking that!"  
  
Oh, oops..." Spleenk said. "It was lying there so innocently and it looked so cold!!!! I couldn't resist!!!!"  
  
Lard Nar nodded his head a bit, thinking back to why he had fainted in the first place, and cried, "I can't believe it, I've failed!   
  
"I have failed trying to save my whole race and their homes before it was too late! But now it's too late!! Everybody Vortian has been imprisoned to the Irken Empire! I'm so stupid!!! Where was I the day I have forgotten my dreams to save the Universe and sit on that really comfy couch?"  
  
"You were drunk and hyper and really crazy!!! Remember? We all hated you, on that day......Well, to be honest with ya, buddy, I liked you better when you were drunk!! You were so funky and cool!!"  
  
Lard Nar groaned, the cone's comment wasn't helping him one bit. "I've probably have a mocking video mail from that snobby bitch, Invader Larb!"  
  
"As a matter o' fact, we do, and it's on DVD!!!!"  
  
"Play it on the main screen!" The saddened Captain ordered.   
  
"And special deleted scenes with goof-ups on them!"  
  
Lard Nar ignored him and asked, "What does he have to say to me now?"  
  
The DVD starts to play. Larb is standing in Vortica, but it's utterly destroyed and bursting in flames, very, very typical Irken conquest scenery.  
  
"Hello, Lard Nar!" Greeted Larb with his evil smile showing. "I've found your ship's transmission number and thought I'll send you a little mockery video email!"   
  
"Bitch."  
  
"You're probably wondering, 'What does he have to say now'? Well, I could explain it all in a descriptive, accurate manner. But that wastes time. So I'll shorten to this: HA! HA! HA!HA! MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
"Ya fool! You stupid, little nit wit!! You had to leave your poor, defenseless home planet, and made it easy for me to stomp it down with my iron fist!! HA! HA! HA! Whose laughing now, Lard Nar? Who has succeeded this battle? Who gets all the fame, credit and glory while the other is in shame, slapping himself in the face? ME!! ME! ME! ME! ME!  
  
"Bi--itch!!" He sung with a tone of annoyance.  
  
"This past hour, I've used the Megadoomer Combat Stealth Mech, the Battle Mech 4, the Star Battle Tanks and the Ultra Giant Robot Model 8.0!!!! 8.0!!!!! Impressive, ne? Well, the Armada is here and attacking all your little work buds who all hated you and disbelieved you, so I unfortunately don't have much time left to laugh loudly and insanely longer and more annoying than necessary! HA! HA! But here's a clip I have from the day the Massive was built:"  
  
Flashback time! It's a beautiful day out in the city of Vortica, and millions of Vortians of every color were there, cheering and throwing confetti all over celebrating this grand moment when they get the award for working so hard to build this ship. The Massive floats about ten feet above the ground, and both the Almighty Tallests stand in a balcony, waving and smiling....as planned.  
  
"Thank you, kind and hard working engineers, techs, scientists and designers of Planet Vort," said Red, "for building what most certainly is---"  
  
Purple interrupted Red, "--the most powerful, largest and most superior ship in the Universe! YEAH!!"  
  
The Vortians all cheer at once.  
  
"If Almighty Tallest Miyuki or Almighty Tallest Spork were alive today, they would've gave out as much 'thank you' s and appreciation as much as we did!" Red continued, lying to the oblivious ones down below.  
  
"Except we gave out more then they would, HA!! Which is why we shall finally present the award and gift, from us and the Empire, for building this incredibly destructive ship for us!!"  
  
"By under Miyuki's orders it has been in my pocket here ever since we became tallests, so we present to you all---"  
  
"The grandest, most awesome gift ever---"  
  
"This bag of jellybeans!"   
  
"Here you go!" They throw the tiny bag at the crowd, and scramble for it like crazy. The Tallests giggle a bit, then laugh insanely at them.  
  
Purple whispered, "Those imbeciles!! That's the most pathetic gift Irk has given since Tallest Jooch gave a box a tissues to the Planet Jackers!"  
  
"Yeah! They're so stupid, even I sometimes wonder how they do it all!"  
  
"Yeah, you wonder....Attack mode, now!!!" The Tallests went inside, laughing, and the whole Irken Armada shot lasers and bombs all over the planet, and the Massive began to blast fireballs at the Vortian monuments and work buildings, such as the one Lard Nar had lived in once before. Every Vortian there noticed, and started to run and scream for their lives, looking more terrified and confused more than ever before.   
  
The camera zooms very closely to a particular spot, and there, on the ground with small flames and Vortian body parts around it, stood that tiny bag of jellybeans that represented that very day itself. It instantly exploded from one of the purple lasers. No one had ever got the chance to eat those very, very, old, jellybeans. The clip ends there.  
  
Lard Nar dropped his jaw, and uttered "You.....You....Bitch!!"  
  
"Hahahahahahaha!!! I thought you would say that! But trust me, it gets worse!!" He stops to check his watch, "Damn, I only have 2 minutes left, so I'll just show this other clip I've found!"  
  
Flashback time! It takes place inside the Massive just yesterday, and Larb stands in front of the Tallests with a huge gift badly wrapped, with brown paper and duck tape.  
  
"My tallests, I plan to take over Planet Vort the next day, but before I do so, I present this gift to the both of you, courtesy of my GENEROUS spirit!!"  
  
"Well... this is unusual, show us this 'gift' of yours!" Red said.  
  
"Yeah! And make it quick, will ya?" Purple demanded, chewing on some doughnuts at the same time.  
  
"*Ahem* I present to you---" He pulls off the brown paper and reveals the present. The tallests are shocked with glory. Lard Nar had dropped his jaw even more further down and widen his eyes even more than before.  
  
"---The Universe's Most Comfortable Couch!!!"  
  
The clip ends there. Larb just snickers at Lard Nar.  
  
"Oh...You son of a fucking-ass-hole BITCH!!!! You're really gonna get it now, I promise you...!"  
  
He keeps yelling a bunch of swears and curses for about 10 minutes or so.  
  
Shloonktapooxis keeps poking at the Captain. "Hey, Lard Nar! The movie's been over for over 10 minutes now! Are you okay? The auto pilot has detected 1000ft. distance contact of the Massive!!"  
  
"Oh, I'm fine, fine....." He stopped swearing, in a weary mood. "Just keep an eye for it, will ya? And call me over when we're at 500 ft. distance from it. I'll be in the bed chamber."  
  
Lard Nar throws his Captain hat and sword at Shloonktapooxis, and walks away.  
  
"WOOO!!!! I'm in command now, it's time for the limbo contest, baby!!!!  
  
Lying on his top bunk, Lard Nar lies on the mattress to think. Think about everything that has happen to him on that unforgettable day when Zim released that giant blob monster onto Vort, and got fired, to move on, to move on....  
  
"Lots of things have gone by, and I'm pretty much ashamed of it all. I was stupid to hire the most careless group of aliens and robots ever, my best friend is a nonstop, party funky floaty cone who just wants to do the limbo and eat snacks and I even got drunk and hyper at the same time at one point!  
  
"I got stuck meeting, and being married, to Hermly, I led my gang forwards and backwards in time, and yet now I have not been doing the best I can to keep my promise, to destroy the Irkens. And they took The Couch away from me, ruining those heavenly dreams I've had preserved in my thick brain. I still had that crushed Irken can that I've had swore by my soul that I'll to keep my promise upon."   
  
Though now sitting in his palm, the Vortian growled and threw it across the room. "And just last night, I had the perfect chance to make it all up, and the can, by hiring that one of a kind Irken assassin. The assassin that was actually against her own species." He sighed. "I've denied the can. I've denied that Irken rebel. I've denied myself."  
  
Shloonktapooxis came into the bedroom, just in time. "Hey Lard Nar, catch!!" He somehow threw a book, an oddly familiar one, at Lard Nar, but it hit the Vortian's head instead.  
  
"OW! Watch it!"  
  
"Sorry, dude..."  
  
Lard Nar looked at the title of the book, and he had definitely remembered this book, 'What Irkens Have Done For Us'. Shloonktapooxis was on the bottom bunk listening to a radio playing rock music really loudly.  
  
"Wait a minute, the book, the bunks, the radio....?" He did random math calculations in his head, but there was one more thing he needed to know to complete this puzzle....This was leading to something special indeed.  
  
"Shloonktapooxis!! What's today's date?"  
  
"Whatcha say?! Doo dee doo! Doo doo! Doo! Dee doo! Doo doo doo doo....."  
  
"Shloonktapooxis! I really need to know what the date is because I----"  
  
"And that was 'I Bet You're Going To Kill Me Right Now!' by The Lovely Bugs! Now, a whole 78 hour straight Rockn' Poppin' Insanity Tunes Extravaganza !!WOOOOOOOT!! But this time, It's our third year anniversary of playing this funky tune marathon!! WOOOOT!!!!!!!!!" The radio man screamed on air.  
  
"Three Years?!? Three years?!? It's been 3 years since my whole life has changed?!?"  
  
"Oh, then I guess I feel really happy that you've achieved so much during the past 3 years." Shloonktapooxis said, but only really caring for what the next rock song would be.  
  
Lard Nar throws the radio out of the way and grabs Shloonktapooxis, dragging to the Captain's chair in the main control room.  
  
"No, you idiot!! I haven't achieved anything important during the past 3 years!!! I haven't lead our first battle against the Irkens yet!!! We're far, far behind, buddy, And I'm always on a tight schedule!"  
  
Everyone!! Drive this damn ship faster!!!! The sooner we defeat the Irkens, the better!!!"  
  
"But Lard Nar, we're right in front of the ship already!" Spleenk said, pointing to the gigantic wind shield.  
  
"Oh, well, prepare to drive all around the Massive! We need to warn them!! Shloonktapooxis, get over to those laser cannons already! And everybody else, get into position and be ready for anything!!"  
  
The ship passes by the main screen of the Massive, and the Almighty Tallests notice it with a surprised look upon their faces.  
  
"Hey, whose ship is that?" Purple said, holding a bag of even more doughnuts in his claws.  
  
It passes by further more, and goes all the way around the Massive two times or so, identifying the compartments, storage pods and weapons it has built on it. In the Vortian ship, Lard Nar smiles in pride. A thing he hasn't done in all of his life.  
  
"This is it, my Irken enemies, and others on the Empire's side of evil, when you and I meet, face to face, it shall be the....  
  
"....Beginning of a freedom, end of an empire." 


End file.
